Models For Coaching Effectively

I love models. They are so helpful in illustrating key points, determining main factors and milestones and serve as a faithful guide to the ignorant and struggling. Models show in a diagram or acronym each step required in the correct order, helping the user master the matter at hand, muster the right moves and march to the desired point confidently. These illustrated diagrams and cleverly constructed acronyms serve as a crutch to the new clumsy user of a technique or as a scaffolding to ease the effort to master a particular skill, highlighting the steps ahead. I concur fully with Coach Mel who made it clear that models serve to provide structure and give form to the principles and action steps required to master a certain skill. It may be adhered to strictly by the ignorant and fearful but loses its necessity when the model adherent becomes confident and skillful.

In a previous life as an English supertutor, I created and used a model to help my students know what was required of them to get an A* when writing a narrative. My pyramid had 5 blocks and each block contained some key words to guide the students, clueing them in as what to write next. As long as the used the pyramid to guide their narrative, questions like “What should I write?” and “What’s after this paragraph?” become rare. Once my students got a hold of this model, they problem was not “I don’t know what to write” or “You mean I have to write 450 words!” but “I’ve got so much to write!”. The model became rail tracks that helped my students stay on track but gave them enough freedom and traction to take them faster to unrealized narrative potential they had in them. That is the power of a good model.

Thus, it was not a surprise to know that countless models to facilitate excellent coaching and enable both coach and client go through a process that would enable the creation of a successful coaching experience have been created. Though having at our fingertips a gamut of coaching models may be a good thing, I find too many cooks spoil the broth and a kaleidoscope of models just create a muddled and confusing coaching practice. So, I was relieved when Coach Mel only introduced to us three coaching models – the all time favorite and ubiquitous model in the world of coaching – the GROW model – the OSCAR model and a model he recently picked up – the FUEL model. As you can see, these models scream of cute and memorable acronyms and limit the coaching process to around four to five steps. All this is to enable understanding and the memorizing of key steps in an effective coaching session.

These popular models help coaches answer standard key questions such as “How do I begin?” and “Where do I go next?” They also serve as hooks to hang key questions needed to be asked at the appropriate time in a session. Having a model is like having a map – it tells you where you are, where is your destination, the possible route you could take and the milestones along the way. This is so good and helpful for novice coaches find their footing, build their confidence and maybe even appear knowledgeable about what he is doing. But like my English students, these models do well in the beginning stages of learning and practice and as familiarity and confidence builds, the model is either assimilated and becomes second nature or it is abandoned for a more personalized model birth from the many sessions guided by a well known and accepted existing model.

The FUEL model is a very simple guide that help guide the client through four key aspects one needs to consider when desiring to make a strategic change in order to achieve a desired but yet to be achieved goal. I love its simplicity but feels it needs more steps to make the client’s transformation process more complete. So here are the four stages, cleverly created by the acronym FUEL:

• Frame – identify the starting point; the ‘you are here now’ awareness. “Where would you like to begin?” would be an appropriate question at this stage.
• Understand – the client is then assisted in identifying what is currently working (ok) in his life that would contribute to him achieving his desired goal and also the challenges (problems, lack etc.) he is facing that may hold him back. “What is currently a challenge you face?” would be an appropriate question at this stage.
• Explore – here the client is encouraged to go deep into seeing and creating his desired state. He is encouraged to be as clear as possible about the desired end. “How would your life look like when you achieve this goal?” would be an appropriate question at this stage.
• Layout Plan – lastly the client needs to get down to the nitty gritty of actually identifying and taking the necessary steps/actions to achieve the desired goal. A plan with a timeline and identified milestones along the way seems to be appropriate. “How are you going to achieve this goal?” would be an appropriate question at this stage.

Next, we have the OSCAR model. Personally, I like this model as I was able to use it rather easily when we were shuttled off into our breakout rooms to practice using one of the introduced models. I like the flow of thought, the logical steps it provided and the ease in remembering the coaching sequence. It also allows the client to take ownership and responsibility for their issues.

• Outcome – identify what the client wants to achieve, the focus of the session. Clarity for coach and client is the aim. “What would you like to achieve from this session? would be an appropriate question here.
• Scaling/Situation – helping your client be aware of her present situation and being able to quantify it (via scaling). “On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your current condition?” would be a suitable question at this stage.
• Choices (Know-How) – helping the client identify what internal and external resources she has available and the options in responding to her current situation; the client level of confidence and competence also needs to be considered. “What options are presently available for you?” would be an appropriate question at this stage.
• Actions/Affirm – assist the client to plan out a step-by-step action plan and to take ownership of the agreed action. These agreed actions are affirmed and the client is encouraged to act. ‘What will you do now?” would be an fitting question at this level.
• Review – regular progress reports to encourage on-going active ownership as well as the celebration of reaching identified milestones. “What actions have you taken to bring you closer to your desired outcome?” could be a question to be asked at this juncture.

Lastly, we have the GROW model, considered the most famous and widely used model not only in coaching and has encouraged spin-offs to accentuate the five key components. The model was created by Sir John Whitmore, made famous in his book Coaching for Performance (purportedly the world’ #1 Coaching book). This flexible framework aims to assist the client experience transformation as she turns intention into action.

• Goals – clear goals are set for the session as well as for the short and long term. A good question to use would be “What do you want?” Sir John Whitmore stresses that “the key to using GROW successfully is to spend sufficient time exploring “G” until the coachee sets a goal which is both inspirational and stretching for them.”
• Identify and clarify the goal
• Clear understanding of principal aims and aspirations
• Clarify desired result at the end 
• Reality – enabling the client to explore her current situation. “Where are you now?” is an appropriate question at this stage.
• Assess actions taken so far
• Identify results and effects of those actions
• Understand present internal and external blocks
• Options – identifying options and alternatives strategies or possible courses of action and then selecting one that the client is able and willing to do. “What could you do?” is a simple but powerful question for your client at this stage.
• Brainstorm possibilities and alternatives
• Outline and question strategies being considered
• Will – here is when intention is transformed into action as the client identifies what is to be done, When, by Whom and affirms the Will to do it. A question to get the ball rolling? “What will you do?”
• Understand and identify what can be changed
• Create a plan of action
• Identify possible obstacles
• Scale the level of commitment required
• Highlight how accountability and achievement of goals will be ensured.

 Wow, just going through these three models, I begin to see a pattern emerging; I see key components that seem important to be identified and used in a coaching session. I also see the creativity employed by the creator of these models and how each are slightly different as the aim is slightly different and the creator-user is unique. I guess it’s like identifying how to paint a house. Many models could be created but all would share similar components – type of paints, tools and what is painted – but as to where to start, how paint strokes are to be made and many other aspects, different models will present the painting process slightly different. Different strokes for different folks.

 

Purpose and The Ikigai (CORE)

This week’s lesson was on Purpose and the introduction of Ikigai as a possible template we could use to identify our purpose in life. This on the surface looks fine and dandy but underlying the lesson is the assumption that humankind has purpose – mono or multi – and it is to be discovered, assuming one is born unaware of this purpose all humans have. So where did this assumed belief come from and why is it a (presumably) globally accepted belief? I can only answer for myself.

The belief I had purpose was drummed in early in my life as a Christian. Not only did I have purpose but my purpose was predetermined by my Creator, who, when he created me, had a purpose for me to fulfil, a purpose that helped answer the question, “Why was I created and put on planet Earth?” or in more common terms, divine purpose is the answer to man’s perennial question, “Why am I here?”. This belief was clearly highlighted to me by the declaration God made to the prophet Jeremiah, revealing his purpose for this young Jewish man.

Before I formed you in your mother’s womb, I chose you. Before you were born, I set you apart. I appointed you to be a prophet to the nations. (Jeremiah 1:5)

So that was settled. I was created for a divine purpose. But discovering what it was wasn’t so easy – I did not enjoy the luxury of having God speak to me directly and audibly! The next clue came from a sentence the apostle Paul wrote to a Christian congregation in Ephesus. This sentence would eventually be a key guiding verse throughout my life when it came to the question of purpose.

For we are his workmanship, having been created in Christ Jesus for good works that God prepared beforehand so we may do them. (Ephesians 2:10)

Finally, I was getting some insight. God’s purpose for me was related to doing good works! It took some time to unravel what could possibly be in Paul’s mind when he used the phrase ‘good works’ but I boiled it down to three components. It was doing what God wanted (keep his commandments), benefitting other humans (work that was other-centered) and done excellently (doing my best in all I do). So, whatever my purpose was, it would be in line with God’s principles, benefit others and demand my best. Got it.

But there were no specifics yet. I could not say like Jeremiah, “My purpose is to be a prophet to the nations.” This need to be specific as to what actually was my God-given purpose only came about when I left school to serve in the Christian community (Church) full-time. I realized there were many things I could do – preach, feed the poor, teach Sunday School, go to Africa as a missionary etc. – so I inquired from the Being himself as to what his specific purpose for me might be. Raised in a Christian community that believed all communication between man and God was through the Bible, I began to read it eagerly, just as any university applicant would read letters from universities he had applied to, scanning to see the desired answer.

In a very short time I came across a verse (sentence) in the Bible that jumped out at me and I was convinced it was God’s answer to my question: What is your purpose for creating me? It was from an answer the prophet Samuel gave to Israel’s first king, Saul, when he was appointed sovereign over Israel.

I will instruct you in the way that is good and upright. (1 Samuel 12:23)

For the next 30 years I spent my life instructing (teaching) Christians on the many facets of their faith and had a blast. Teaching excited me and energized me. I found meaning in what I did and I never grew tired of the whole process required for every lesson to finally see the light of day. But all good things must come to an end. My days of service in the Christian community came to an end and I once again was confronted with the question: Why am I here and what am I to do with my life?

By now, I was married and I remember my wife and I taking a few days to ruminate on this question in our favorite place here in Malaysia – Cameron Highlands. Holed up in a cheap motel, under thick blankets, I pored over a book that promised to help me discover my purpose – What Color Is Your Parachute by Richard Bolles – and help me discover a lifetime of meaningful work and career success. There were a lot of exercises requiring much thought and soul searching. The results were disappointing – teaching seemed to be my best option! Duh!

Since that mountaintop revelation I have had opportunities to teach (instruct) in various forms – International School English teacher, English super tutor, certified trainer, motivational speaker, author - to name a few but it all revolved around my now accepted and believed divine purpose – to instruct/teach.

As I continued to manifest my purpose, a new question popped into my mind that demanded an answer – Why was I teaching? What was my ultimate purpose behind every instruction? To find the answer, I just had to look back at all the teaching opportunities I had and identify the shared motivation and/or desired outcome I had for all my students. It was clear. I was teaching with the purpose of assisting my students to excel, to unlock their potential, to be the best they were able to. Then it all made sense. Samuel made a commitment to King Saul to assist him be the best king he could be and so did I for all my students.

Now my purpose began to change, to broaden in scope yet provide me the parameters I needed to always be within my God-given purpose. I came to see and embrace my purpose as follows: to assist others to be the best they can be especially through the many forms of teaching/instruction giving. Today, whatever I finally agree to do and it allows me to fully manifest this purpose, I find myself excited and empowered, fulfilled and fruitful. My purpose has served as a guiding light at every career pivot or when I am overwhelmed by depression or experiencing a sense of ‘lostness’. Reminding myself of why I am here and taking small possible steps towards my purpose always restores stability, hope and energy in me.

I also believe purpose is not so much discovered as created. What is discovered is the many elements that make up the creation of your purpose but finally you are the one who comes to some kind of conclusion and formulate a sentence or two as to what all you discovered seem to say about your purpose. This is why I think almost all the books and articles I have read on ‘discovering’ your purpose end up giving you a bunch of questions to guide you towards what you have and like and what you can do and contribute to society for good (good works). With a clearer and better understanding of yourself and all that makes you unique, you then would be better able to be a contributing human on this planet. Almost all life-purposes I have heard tend to have the elements of linking one’s unique gifting with one’s contribution to the betterment of at least another human.

This then is a good place to comment on Ikigai, a Japanese concept that roughly translates ‘that which gives your life purpose’. It’s similarity to the French concept of “raison d’etre” has sparked accusations that the key writers who created and popularized Ikigai modified or blended this French concept with key ideas practiced by the Japanese (especially those in Okinawa). But putting that aside, Ikigai covers the two key elements of purpose i.e. bringing meaning to your life while also contributing to the good of others. It also shares the belief that everyone has a purpose in life and deep self-reflection effort is required to discover it.

To guide us in discovering our Ikigai, four spheres of life need to be considered:

• What you love – what you do/experience that brings most joy in life and makes you feel most alive and fulfilled
• What you are good at – anything you are particularly good at including talents and skills
• What the world needs – ‘world’ here could refer to humankind in general or a niche group and our assumed or their mentioned need
• What you can get paid for – what someone else is willing to pay you for, depending on the demand for what you offer and the economic state of the people in question

It is clear you will need time to reflect and research to provide relevant answers to all four areas in order for you to piece together the jigsaw and conclude what is the something you are passionate about, good at and the world needs now and for which someone will pay you. I believe in my own pursuit to identify my Ikigai, I have looked at 3 of the spheres – love, good at, needed by the world – but I have rarely if ever considered someone paying me for it. My struggle with imposter syndrome and self-limiting belief that what I offer has very little financial worth has limited me from making money from my Ikigai and has left me struggling financially often.

If I were to embrace this Japanese concept (which I have problems doing due to my aversion to all things related to Eastern ideologies and philosophies) then I think I would need to add the following to my purpose: to assist others to be the best they can be especially through the many forms of teaching/instruction giving and be paid for it.

It is clear then that we have purpose, we discover and create it and our accepted purpose gives us meaning and energy for life. As coaches, I then conclude that coaching should align with our purpose and enabling our clients discover their purpose could be a key factor in assisting them be who they want to be.

 

Focus and Wheel of Life

It’s Christmas afternoon and I am outside my farm house typing this week’s assessment on Focus and The Wheel of Life (Web-torial 16). Another thought-provoking and potentially life-changing lesson, for both coach and client. Like all good salespeople, we should only sell products we ourselves have used, so it made sense then the focus of the lesson was on us but I believe this information is for our client’s use too finally.

The first half of the lesson was on the importance of the client keeping focus on the core issue being discussed and worked on. As a coach assisting the client to identify and acknowledge her key issue that needs attention, making this clear at the beginning for the client is important. “What do you want to focus on today?” is the vital and initial question to ask whereas “How is this related to today’s focus?” is a helpful question to reel in the client’s attention once a walk around the mulberry bush occurs.

The inability to focus on the matter at hand is usually termed a distraction and an interference to the present matter being targeted. On a recent podcast I heard, the person being interviewed drew attention to the etymology of the word ‘distraction’, stating that the opposite of it would be ‘traction’ (any action that leads you to accomplish a goal) as opposed to dis-traction (any action that leads you away from a goal). In a coaching session, traction is what we are seeking for, for our client and constantly pulling her back to the core matter at hand brings traction.

I am intrigued with the writings on Ellen Langer and she has a whole chapter on focus and distraction that I so happen to be reading presently. Here are some of her thoughts on focus and distraction which we could also incorporate as we seek to help our clients focus on the core issue:

Paying attention usually means focusing only on the matter at hand. Should our focus wander, we call it getting distracted. When we are distracted we are paying attention to something else; being distracted, in short, means otherwise attracted. When we are attracted to something else, here are some key questions to ask:

• What is so attractive about the alternative stimulus?
• What can we learn from that attraction?
• Can we add the attractive elements to the stimuli to which we want to attend?

Distractions is actually meant to provide us temporary relief from a discomfort we need to attend to. To tackle this, thinking about the problem differently may be the solution. We need to look more closely at those situations we find difficult, rather than blame distractions we opt for.

Focus becomes a problem when we try rigidly to hold an idea in mind. To pay constant, fixed attention to a thought may be a kind of oxymoron. A better approach is to notice different things about the matter at hand. This is called novelty. Changes in context or perspective leads us to notice novelty. As such the most effective way to increase our ability to pay attention is to look for the novelty within the stimulus situation

At the beginning of a coaching session, it may be good to discover what our client is presently focused on? Interestingly, we are either focused on something that can be categorized as negative or positive and never on both simultaneously. I also found it intriguing that we can select what we focus on – when this option is not utilized, our automatic mode is to focus on the negative (something to do with our primal mind and survival). Even so, I believe there is a need to focus on both the negative and positive aspects of the core matter being attended to as both sides help provide a whole and realistic perspective of the situation and possible actions that could be taken. The role of the coach is to guide the client to mentally focus on the appropriate matter to maximize awareness, understanding and solution generation.

So do we need extreme focus to attend to the core matter at hand? I do not think so. Instead we need to be open to inspecting and evaluating related perceptions, ideas and aspects of the matter being attended, constantly pulling our clients attention to consider all aspects of one matter at a time (session).

You may be wondering why I am posting this picture.

What are you focused on is what you see and can attend to.

Distractions disturbs focus.

Did you notice the animal on the chair?

We move on. Next on the menu was The Wheel Of Life, a clever invention to illustrate key areas of one’s life, helping the creator-user to visualize where she is at and where she would like to be (the GAP). It’s a simple concept of selecting several key areas in your life, scaling each section as you estimate it to be and see it visualized in a wheel format, in various (sometimes colored) blocks. An excellent starting off exercise to determine areas to pay focus on and goals to be set.

Also thankful to Google Serch for displaying a list of articles explaining how this Wheel is used in coaching and how it is a valuable and common tool in the coach’s toolbox. For record and remembrance here are the steps involved when using this Wheel as introduced by Coach Mel:

1. Select 8 most important areas in your life. On a scale to i-10, scale each of the areas in the wheel.
2. Ask: “If I focused for a year on these 8 areas, what will happen to the scaled diagram I created?”
3. When considering this, what are you observing of the marked wheel you created (trends, unexpected changes etc.)
4. Now select 3 areas for priority attention.
5. Set a timeline for this narrowed areas of focus.
6. Ask: “What are 3 immediate action steps I can take for these 3 areas?
7. Now select the one thing you could do that would make the biggest difference
8. “How desperate are you to achieve it?”
9. How about doing it in 3 months? I month?
10. “What would I have to do differently to achieve this in the time span I have given myself?”

I just love this step-by-step progression from the macro to the micro, all the time enabling the client to focus on the most important matter. It forces serious thought, evaluation and decision but once successfully acted on, would deliver the desired transformation.

Unbeknown to me, I had actually done a Wheel in November when I was considering areas in my life to focus on in 2022. I did an exercise that was to help me know where I should focus on (no mention of Wheel of Life was made). I did the questionnaire and was provided with a picture. The end. I liked the picture and kept it. Imagine my delight when I realized what I was given was a completed Wheel of Life! Now I know what to do next with the diagram.

Select 8 most important areas in your life. On a scale to i-10, scale each of the areas in the wheel.

Done

 

Ask: “If I focused for a year on these 8 areas, what will happen to the scaled diagram I created?”

Some areas remain the same, some show a slight increase and one or two show a marked increase.

 

When considering this, what are you observing of the marked wheel you created (trends, unexpected changes etc.)

Some areas are not priority presently though still important

Some areas are of concern and beg for attention

One or two areas I am thankful are in good health

 

Now select 3 areas for priority attention.

Career, Money, Health

 

Set a timeline for this narrowed areas of focus.

One year (2022)

 

Ask: “What are 3 immediate action steps I can take for these 3 areas?

Career – 1) Revive and set in order my HRDF training requirements and opportunities, 2) Plan launching career as a coach, 3) Close-shop on other odd and end ‘jobs’ I have been doing

Money – 1) insist and only do paid jobs, 2) get several paying jobs/contracts that will ensure a consistent monthly income 3) create a pool of financial supporters

Health – 1) Resume healthy eating regime used in previous years 2) work well with my doctors and have a better attitude/mindset for all my checkups, 3) resume mountain biking

 

Now select the one thing (from each area?) you could do that would make the biggest difference

“How desperate are you to achieve it?”

How about doing it in 3 months? I month?

“What would I have to do differently to achieve this in the time span I have given myself?”

I guess I will need the assistance of a coach to decide my answers for the last few questions.

 

Life .  .  . to be continued.

 

 

 

 

 

When I was studying psychology and counselling so many years ago, my lecturer repeatedly reminded us: The presenting problem is never the problem. It looks like the same mantra is applicable to coaching, especially after today’s tutorial on Human Needs and Drivers (CORE). When my client comes to me and shares his or her problem (presenting challenge) one of the things I could best do for him/her is to ask: What do you actually need? My client may not have a clue what she really needs and neither may I. As a guide and initial go-to, I am glad I was re-introduced to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs – now revised and updated as Maslow’s NEW Hierarchy of Needs – and the generally recognized and accepted six key needs of humankind.

Now when my client shares a struggle or challenge, it is wise to dig deep and help my client discover where her needs actually reside using Maslow’s Hierarchy as a guide and somewhere to peg their presenting challenge. Though the Hierarchy is in layers and seems to climax with the need for self-transcendence (sounds a bit woo-woo and leaning on to a more philosophical/spiritual slant to me), the reality is our needs rise and ebb and are usually layered, with a specific area of need taking center stage at different times. When actively listening to my client, I guess being aware of these core needs and helping my client identify which need is seeking attention would be a good start in helping my client clarify what she really needs and work towards creating actions to address the need.

It was enlightening and scary to discover what is my present center stage need as I identified what I think are my present challenges/needs and saw that they basically call attention to my need for security (actually more for my family) and a restoration of my self-esteem via accomplishment of some challenging undertaking next year. Eliminating to a large degree the fear of lack and its consequences and the desire to prove myself by doing something new and challenging are definitely two areas of significance presently in my life and it was all exposed just by using Maslow’s Hierarchy. I wonder what will be exposed for my client, for her good, when we try to discover what needs are actually screaming to be met.

Next was a revisit to a seen but forgotten concept by Anthony Robbins (love his work and been a fan of his teachings for years) – the 6 Human Drivers which takes a different yet interlinked view of human needs presented by Maslow. I love the way the six drivers were presented via pictures and then the explanation that followed. Maslow revealed my needs and Robbins revealed the drive (the motivation) behind these needs. So not only do we have needs we seek to meet, we have drivers within us, conditions of life that spur us to take action. After teaching motivation for so long, it is refreshing and exciting to be reminded of these six intrinsic drivers we all have and that at certain times in our lives serve as the driving force for almost all our actions.

Again, all six drives do affect us but depending on the present context of my client, one of them may be the motivating force at the moment (which when identified will help shed light on the why and also the how related to my client’s challenge). Which of these six drivers is presently needed and drives my client to action? Haven’t figured out how actually these drivers will be introduced to my client and how to assist her in discovering the main driver in her life. Also wondering how all this information will be used to help my client bridge the GAP.

Was glad for the exercise during the web-torial that helped me see my desire for Significance is my present driver (no surprise here!). I remember in my early twenties devouring a book by McGee on Significance, struggling and finally dropping any intention to actively seek significance as the years progressed. It was amusing to discover deep inside I still yearn to be recognized, seen, heard and acknowledged. Hmm. Now to figure out how all this ties in with my present struggles and discouragement and what hope it offers. Thanks Robbins and Coach Mel for shining the light on this driving force/need in my life.

We then progressed to Tim Gallwey’s Inner Game concept, in particular the power of the inner voice and specifically the inner critical voice in opposition to the subconscious mind that is encouraging, positive and is our true self. I didn’t quite ‘get-it’ and may have to read Gallwey’s book to increase my understanding. For now, I believe that I need to be aware that my client (and I) struggle with an inner critic that interferes with her awareness and ability to acknowledge her needs and drives and create transforming action steps for her life.

I love the four questions we were given by Coach Mel to answer as we look at our own presenting challenges. They sting and challenge but also inspire and shed light on where we are presently stuck (great questions to ponder as we enter 2022). Here are the four questions:

What obstacles hold you back?

What lies are you telling your self?

What insights are you resisting to learn?

What strategies do I need to create to minimize interference?

As we came to the end of our lesson, I realized I had a lot to digest and in a way had just been coached by Coach Mel on what I will need to pay attention to and be aware of if I were to see my performance improve. As I reflect on 2021 and dream for 2022, I may need to steady myself and allow imagined ideal outcomes for 2022 to flood my mind, working hard to stem the tide of interferences (critical, demeaning inner voice) so that I have something to work towards. Identifying options, being aware of myself and my situation and embracing challenges 2022 will bring if I choose to pursue the imagined ideal outcomes looks like the bee’s nest I must hit hard if I want the sweet honey it offers.

With the need for restored esteem and driven for significance, I wonder what am I capable of?

 

Unpacking FLOW5 C.O.A.C.H.

I felt I was participating in a Zen-like meditation session where the focus was on ‘flow’ and the imagery constructed to facilitate this inner focus was of a flowing peaceful stream in contrast to the fast flowing rapids the stream flows into. No stranger to streams and rivers (I live in the land of rivers) this image and the associated lessons were rather easily comprehended. What lost me was how ‘flow’ and ‘stream’ was connected to coaching and then to the C.O.A.C.H Process. So here’s what I did formulate in my mind to make sense of the surreal tutorial.

The lesson I think I was to catch is that the coaching I offer is akin to a slow flowing peaceful stream, a place and time for my client to come aside to relax and contemplate, to be silent and hear her voice within as she steers intentionally into my quiet stream from the fast flowing rapids she battles in her journey up the river of life, working hard not to drown and yearning for a pit stop. The coaching I offer seems remarkably identical to the ‘quiet streams’ King David says his Lord leads him to in the famous Psalms 24 description of God as a good shepherd (thanks Coach Sanjiv for the thought).

This picture brings back memories of younger days when I use to go up the mighty Rajang River to the last human outpost, Belaga that required us to pass through the infamous Pelagus Rapids, famous for its treacherous path and annual death toll from capsized longboats. So maybe the life experience of my client is akin to someone shooting the Pelagus Rapids to reach Belaga. It makes sense and there’s so much similarity with life’s challenges and consequences to unpack from this. But we will not go there. Suffice to say our client is shooting the rapids and needs to time out.

And that’s where the stream comes in. Isn’t it strange and amazing that streams are connected to rapids and all you need to do is get out of the mainstream and swing into one of these many side streams for a break? The pebble carpeted banks and the soothing slow moving, crystal clear water invites rest and calm, long talks and deep meditation. So much like a coaching session where the clients gets to shut the door and shut out the noise and demands of life for a moment. A moment to breathe in, calm down, reflect, refocus and rediscover what is needed.

After business is done in Belaga, a picnic at one of the nearby streams is usually arranged. A time to rest and frolic in the water, to eat native food and wild boar barbequed between river rocks laid out to contain the burning driftwood. A lot of heart-to-heart discussions takes place here as well as quiet reflections on what had just transpired in town. So yes, I see how a coaching session can be likened to a stopover at a quiet stream before heading out into the rapids again.

With all that said and done, I think there was a shift in the use of this metaphor when the question “How do you flow?” was thrown in at the beginning and brought up occasionally. Here I felt the whole intention was to enable us to associate times when we are in a ‘state of flow’ to what we are to perceive and expect of ourselves as coaches when conducting a coaching session.

Other than what a river or stream does, the word ‘flow’ when used in work related situations always draws my mind to the Theory of Flow popularized by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi who introduced this theory in the 1970s based on research examining people who did activities for pleasure, even when they were not rewarded with money or fame. He was surprised to discover that enjoyment did not result from relaxing or living without stress, but that during these activities their attention was fully absorbed. He called this state flow, because during his research, people illustrated their intense experiences using the metaphor of being carried by a current like a river flows.

With this in mind, I wonder if another takeaway from the tutorial is that my coaching sessions should ‘flow’ for me – I find pleasure in what I am doing and my attention is fully absorbed in my client, creating an intense pleasurable experience albeit being carried in a river flow. Participants in Csikszentmihalyi experiments were motivated by the quality of the experience they had while they were engaged in the activity. The flow experience came when the activity was difficult and involved risk. It usually stretched the person's capacity and provided a challenge to his/her skills. If so, then aiming to have ‘flow’ in a coaching session is indeed a beneficial aspiration, something to look forward to as it would enable me (and my client) have quality experiences while stretching my capacity as a coach. Wow, what a ‘flow’!

And that’s my two-cents on flow.

The second part of the tutorial was the introduction to a five stage coaching process model cleverly termed C.O.A.C.H (still trying to see how flow is related to this model other than that the five stages flows from one to another and it’s a slow process, very much the speed a quiet stream flows; no rushed job here). I personally am happy to have a model as a guide, something to help me know where I am in the coaching session and what most probably would be next. It also could be used as a checklist, both before and after a session, to help me prepare and process what took place.

As this is just the introduction of the five stages, we did not go deep into each nor do I have much to comment about it other than to say I look forward how each stage is unpacked and how the many ideas, theories and pointers attached to each segment of C.O.A.C.H. will be introduced and explained in detail. Let the lessons begin.

Mind The GAP!

The GAP.

The first time I heard this word used as a reference to a specific matter was in the school I was then teaching in and it meant the one year break students would take before entering university in order to travel around the world. Later I learnt that this phrase referred to the space created between thin thighs and was a mark of beauty for certain women. In this week’s tutorial the word carried a different meaning that I honestly was not able to catch and display in a sentence or two clearly. But from what transpired, my guess would be that The GAP refers to the disconnect between your present state and the desired future state yet to be achieved and may seem challenging to be achieved. It has its cause(s) and attached emotional content, a challenge for both coach and client to identify and find ways to overcome (i.e. bridge The GAP). To the two questions Coach Mel asked in the beginning of this tutorial, yes, I think it is the presence and the awareness of The GAP that often spurs the need for coaching and very often serves as a launching point. Isn’t coaching helping the client find her way from Point A across The GAP to arrive to Point B?

It seems that The GAP is created by certain conditions within the client – much to do with her self-belief and emotional condition – which when the coach is able to shine a light on, brings awareness to the client of her internal GAP-creating condition. This exposure then helps the client to take the initial steps to cross over The GAP. The three causes identified and presented to us – Denial (Do I have a problem?), Self-Blame (It’s all my fault) and Despair (I’m doomed) – reveal an unhealthy cognitive and emotional state a client may be in and this leads to the creation and lengthening of The Gap. I guess it’s via active listening and powerful questioning, the possible cause will be unearthed and the closing of The GAP may begin. This closing of The GAP begins as the coach helps the client Identify the cause, Invites the client to explore the cause and then to Ignite the client’s inner being to take hope-filled action. This seems to be a ‘hard-work’ process for coach and client but worth the sweat.

When an internal cause is identified, Coach Mel suggested we dig deeper and seek to identify the cause of the cause. Again he suggested three potential sources we could explore with our clients.

1. Values – a disconnect between what we say we value or do value and the time and effort actually spent to uphold and manifest those values.
2. Beliefs – a disconnect between the beliefs we hold and the actual manifestation of those beliefs in life (what we believe is not experienced and/or we fail to defend the belief)
3. Time – a disconnect between what we plan to do in/with our time and what we actually do with our time.

This mismatch, this unrealized and unmanifested present state as compared to what is expected or believed most probably is the true mother of The GAP. Discovering the root of The GAP seems daunting yet interestingly challenging, offering an opportunity for transformation if discovered and acted upon wisely.

Becoming aware of The GAP, identifying its causes and then working together to assist the client to close THE GAP is an act of cooperation between coach and client.

I found it interesting and thought provoking when Coach Mel then gave three questions we could ask our clients dealing with The GAP. These questions I believe are birth from the belief (assumption?) the client may have created and maintained The GAP and that’s why it’s a standing stronghold in their lives. In order to answer the question “Where is The GAP coming from and why it is still in existence?” the following questions could be offered to the client:

• What is the PAIN you are avoiding by having The GAP?
• What is the GAIN you are experiencing by maintaining The GAP?
• What is the CHANGE you will welcome into your life when The GAP is closed?

Finally when all the soul searching is done, the light comes on and the muck is identified, the client is to be encouraged and assisted to take action to bring about change, and in this case to close The GAP and welcome the experienced promised to all who reach Point B. Coach Mel’s 3 step action plan is a basic response for any action plan that wants to succeed.

1. Identify a clear goal or destination (Be very clear what it means/looks like/feels when you have crossed over to Point B).
2. Create an action plan (What are the necessary steps and system of accountability you will set up?)
3. Have a plan that reflects your commitment (How fast do you want to close The GAP and the level of seriousness in achieving this)

Overall, the tutorial this week felt like a walk through a new part of an interesting park, guided by an experienced and knowledgeable park guide that left me aware yet uncertain of what to do next when I reached the end of this section of the park. I guess I have a gap to fill, between what I think I know and what I will do with this information in my future coaching practice.

"What's Your Question, Coach?"

 

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

What are you now thinking after reading the question above? Of course, your favorite ice cream flavor! My question temporarily hijacked your mind and for a moment I got you to focus on only one thing – ice cream. That’s the power of a question. It triggers your mind to automatically think (think focus) on the subject matter in the question posed. The moment you hear a question, you literally can’t think of anything else! Questions can indeed be a powerful tool in coaching (some say the most powerful).

Instinctive elaboration. That’s the term we were introduced to by Coach Wendy (thanks) which describes what I have just mentioned and it caught my attention. When seeking to answer why questions are powerful, I believe it is good to begin by recognizing the power questions have to help the mind focus on one subject and uncover at least an answer and if this happens, the possibility of the client gaining insight and/knowledge increases.

Another interesting question-mind related response is the “mere measurement effect” where just by asking a client about their future decisions significantly influenced those decisions. In other wors, thinking about a question posed increases the likelihood of acting or creating the change or conditions that the question encouraged the client to consider. In a study by Morwitz, Johnson and Schmitlein showed that by asking people if they were going to buy a car within six months increased their purchasing rates by 35%. “Are you going to take the steps you identified today within this week?” is a powerful closed ended question that could increase the possibility of the client taking action.

As you lick a lemon slice you just cut, what does it taste like?

Even as you begin to think of the answer, most probably you have begun to salivate, an action beyond your control triggered by a question. Questions that require the client to bring into play one or more of her senses when creating an answer has greater impact on the client, making her answers more ‘real’. The more the brain contemplates on a behavior that involves the senses, the more likely the client will engage in it, experience a shift in thinking and even alter body chemistry. Questions that help the client engage with her senses could be like, “If you do what you decided, how would your situation be different?” or “How would you act if the situation was reversed?” or “Based on what you have said, how do you see yourself five years from now?”

Asking powerful questions helps provide the client with answers she can then use to create her own actions. Powerful questions creates curiosity and is guided by the agreed goal at the beginning of the session. ‘Keeping an eye on the desired outcome’- is the key to creating the questions a coach would ask throughout the coaching session. So what are some of the characteristics of a powerful questions? Here are some suggestions:

• questions that reveal the information needed for maximum benefit to the coaching relationship and the client
• questions that reflect active listening and an understanding of the client’s perspective
• questions that evoke discovery, insight, commitment or action (e.g., those that challenge the client’s assumptions)
• questions that create greater clarity, possibility or new learning
• questions that move the client towards what they desire, to look forward

As coaches, we have the opportunity to use this powerful tool – questions – to assist our clients to think about their situations, goals, needs, environments and more as well as giving them the time and space for them to think, for reflection. For starters, open ended questions ae a safe bet. Open ended questions usually start with ‘what,’ and ‘how,’ or statements such as ‘tell me about…’ or ‘explain to me more about…’

Here are some sample questions:

• What would you like to achieve from this session?
• How did you do that?
• Tell me about your experience with…..

Even so, there are actually so many types of questions you could ask. Again, it is determine by the agreed goal of the session, your level of curiosity in the context of careful listening, being fully present and attuned to the needs of the client. As a guide, lean more towards creating and posing questions that help the client

• Gain clarity, understanding, and perspective.
• Experience deeper or alternative thinking.
• Have her current thinking challenged.
• Encouraged to evaluate herself and her situation.
• Explore options.
• Explore facts, thoughts, and feelings.
• Look at issues from a different point of view.
• Plan and take action.

Two types of questions I would like to better create and incorporate in my coaching sessions are solution-focused questions (questions that assist the client to identify possibilities and action that she could take to reach the agreed goal) and reflective questions (which will challenge me to keep quiet, listen and give safe space for my client to consider options or evaluate what was said). Here are some questions I would like to use more often:

• What would you like to achieve from this session?
• What progress have you made so far?
• What would it mean to achieve success?
• “You said, you are upset about the changes…., tell me more?”
• “You sound concerned, but I’m also sensing you are little excited. What is the cause of this?”

Growing up, I enjoyed watching detective stories on television. One scene remains in my mind (though I have forgotten the drama series and who the actors were). Two detectives are talking at a bar and a younger rather upset detective asked the senior, more successful detective this question: How come you always get the bad guy? The senior detective looked at the other detective as said in a rough voice, “I ask the right questions”. Ask a wrong question and you get a wrong answer. Crafting questions that will enable your client to gain insights and knowledge that will eventually lead to action and change is a skill every coach can and must sharpen. You know you hit the nail on the head when your client says something like this:

•  “No one ever asked me that before.”
• “That’s a good question!”
• “I never given thought to that before”

So to recap, powerful questions are produced when the questions you create and pose do one or more of the following:

• Make the client evaluate new information.
• Helps the client qualify needs.
• Questions the client’s personal goals.
• Makes the client think before giving a response.
• Helps the client focus on themselves and what possible response they have for the situation