Mind The GAP!

The GAP.

The first time I heard this word used as a reference to a specific matter was in the school I was then teaching in and it meant the one year break students would take before entering university in order to travel around the world. Later I learnt that this phrase referred to the space created between thin thighs and was a mark of beauty for certain women. In this week’s tutorial the word carried a different meaning that I honestly was not able to catch and display in a sentence or two clearly. But from what transpired, my guess would be that The GAP refers to the disconnect between your present state and the desired future state yet to be achieved and may seem challenging to be achieved. It has its cause(s) and attached emotional content, a challenge for both coach and client to identify and find ways to overcome (i.e. bridge The GAP). To the two questions Coach Mel asked in the beginning of this tutorial, yes, I think it is the presence and the awareness of The GAP that often spurs the need for coaching and very often serves as a launching point. Isn’t coaching helping the client find her way from Point A across The GAP to arrive to Point B?

It seems that The GAP is created by certain conditions within the client – much to do with her self-belief and emotional condition – which when the coach is able to shine a light on, brings awareness to the client of her internal GAP-creating condition. This exposure then helps the client to take the initial steps to cross over The GAP. The three causes identified and presented to us – Denial (Do I have a problem?), Self-Blame (It’s all my fault) and Despair (I’m doomed) – reveal an unhealthy cognitive and emotional state a client may be in and this leads to the creation and lengthening of The Gap. I guess it’s via active listening and powerful questioning, the possible cause will be unearthed and the closing of The GAP may begin. This closing of The GAP begins as the coach helps the client Identify the cause, Invites the client to explore the cause and then to Ignite the client’s inner being to take hope-filled action. This seems to be a ‘hard-work’ process for coach and client but worth the sweat.

When an internal cause is identified, Coach Mel suggested we dig deeper and seek to identify the cause of the cause. Again he suggested three potential sources we could explore with our clients.

1. Values – a disconnect between what we say we value or do value and the time and effort actually spent to uphold and manifest those values.
2. Beliefs – a disconnect between the beliefs we hold and the actual manifestation of those beliefs in life (what we believe is not experienced and/or we fail to defend the belief)
3. Time – a disconnect between what we plan to do in/with our time and what we actually do with our time.

This mismatch, this unrealized and unmanifested present state as compared to what is expected or believed most probably is the true mother of The GAP. Discovering the root of The GAP seems daunting yet interestingly challenging, offering an opportunity for transformation if discovered and acted upon wisely.

Becoming aware of The GAP, identifying its causes and then working together to assist the client to close THE GAP is an act of cooperation between coach and client.

I found it interesting and thought provoking when Coach Mel then gave three questions we could ask our clients dealing with The GAP. These questions I believe are birth from the belief (assumption?) the client may have created and maintained The GAP and that’s why it’s a standing stronghold in their lives. In order to answer the question “Where is The GAP coming from and why it is still in existence?” the following questions could be offered to the client:

• What is the PAIN you are avoiding by having The GAP?
• What is the GAIN you are experiencing by maintaining The GAP?
• What is the CHANGE you will welcome into your life when The GAP is closed?

Finally when all the soul searching is done, the light comes on and the muck is identified, the client is to be encouraged and assisted to take action to bring about change, and in this case to close The GAP and welcome the experienced promised to all who reach Point B. Coach Mel’s 3 step action plan is a basic response for any action plan that wants to succeed.

1. Identify a clear goal or destination (Be very clear what it means/looks like/feels when you have crossed over to Point B).
2. Create an action plan (What are the necessary steps and system of accountability you will set up?)
3. Have a plan that reflects your commitment (How fast do you want to close The GAP and the level of seriousness in achieving this)

Overall, the tutorial this week felt like a walk through a new part of an interesting park, guided by an experienced and knowledgeable park guide that left me aware yet uncertain of what to do next when I reached the end of this section of the park. I guess I have a gap to fill, between what I think I know and what I will do with this information in my future coaching practice.