What Are Your Strengths? What Are Your Weaknesses?

Many years ago, I came across a book by Marcus Buckingham that cemented the idea that I would be better off focusing and maximizing my strengths instead of fussing about and fixing my weaknesses. I was glad to learn from Web-torial 22 that coaching is also a strength focused service that seeks to help the coachee access their potential through their capabilities and strengths. But what is a strength? Allow me to share some insights from Marcus Buckingham on this topic:

A strength is not what you are good at, and a weakness is not what you are bad at. A strength is an activity that strengthens you. It draws you in, it makes time fly by while you’re doing it, and it makes you feel strong. Based on this understanding, the coachee then is the most qualified to recognize and identify his strengths. It also means everyone has strengths and they are as unique and diverse as the person owning them.

The flip side of a strength based coaching approach is a fixing-issues coaching style which I believe could lend itself to seeking problems to solve and come close to elements of counselling and/or therapy, something we would not want to do in our coaching sessions. Coaching is forward focused and when we pay attention to our coachee’s strengths, discovering ways ahead and uncovering potential possibilities becomes easier and exciting. Progress then becomes possible and our clients are more optimistic in creating and executing their action plans based on their strengths. In short, “Connect with Strengths and the Right Commitment of Actions follow.”

There seems to be an array of methods one could use to discover one’s strengths, from a simple series of interviews with people close to us to personal reflection exercises to taking some serious and scientifically proven strength identification tests. Concerning the last method mentioned, Gallup’s Clifton StrengthsFinder™ seems to be a clear favorite and a good place to begin. I have yet to wrap my brain around how this assessment will help me and my client achieve our goals and be our best but a visit to the Gallup website provides convincing and exciting information to address my doubts. Also, I believe the USD 49.99 investment would clear most of my doubts (but that’s for another day).

Here’s what the Gallup website has to say about this strength assessment. It is the way to

• discover what you naturally do best
• learn how to develop your greatest talents into strengths
• use your personalized results and reports to maximize your potential

It only takes 177 questions to uncover the one true you. But it takes commitment to become the best you. Complete the CliftonStrengths assessment to unlock the personalized reports and resources you need to maximize your potential. Your customized CliftonStrengths reports and guides help you chart your course to accomplish great things using the true north of what you naturally do best. The results, presented in statements explain exactly how each of your Signature Themes makes you stand out in the world. The pinpoint accuracy will leave you inspired and empowered with a newfound self-awareness. What I love most is the acknowledgement that with the help of a coach, guided by the assessment results, a coachee will be able to unlock her potential and succeed in every facet of life. Looks like another great tool to have in my coaching toolbox!

So, what is the use (to the coachee) in knowing her strengths? I am thankful to have the following guide provided in the lesson’s pdf download:

Ask the coachee to reflect on her strengths. Here are some of the questions I liked:

• What surprised you? What delighted you? What frustrated you
• What strengths may help in overcoming weaknesses?
• Where might strengths be overdone?
• How can these strengths be used to reach your goal(s)?

Ask coachee to review and reflect on key strengths daily. This is to raise awareness about her daily expressions of her strengths. Here are some questions to ask:

• What can you do to amplify your strengths?
• How can you use your strengths in order to achieve a goal?

Ask coachee to write a Personal Strength Statement. This is to energize the coachee and to help her work best utilizing her strengths to the maximum.

 The icing on the cake for this web-torial came at the end when we were all left amazed and awed with Daniel Ofman’s Core Quadrant®. It just showed up and exposed who we are and all that we are encountering daily plus the pointers where we can change to maximize success. All in four squares! Indeed, the notes for this quadrant sums it well: it helps them do a Deeper Dive into the complexity of their Strengths, exploring the extremes and opposites of each core quality.

Here’s a summary of the four quadrants:

1. Core quality: a recognized, foundational strength a the client — something widely understood and appreciated as valuable.
2. Pitfall: it’s always possible to have too much of a good thing; this is when a core quality is overused and comes across as an over-strength.
3. Challenge: If we build awareness about the pitfall then we can gain insight into the client’s required adaptive behavior that would be worthwhile to have in order to avoid succumbing to the pitfall.
4. Allergy: the client may feel an aversion to the new behavior (Challenge) if it feels too much the opposite of the core quality or when it is seen in others. 

What I like about this model is it helps me/client identify very quickly two key areas we can work on after identifying a key strength (maybe from the Clifton Assessment):

• My Challenge: a positive quality that I should aim to achieve. A good question to ask would be "What do others wish you had more of"?
• My Allergy: the extreme of my Challenge that I notice in others. A good question to ask would be "What do you despise in others"?

These are two areas when identified and responded properly can bring much change in attitude, behavior, communication and relationships. A great too for self-awareness and self-transformation that begins with identifying my strengths. I also love the questions that could be asked for each quadrant, all helpful in raising awareness and deciding further action.

Looking forward for opportunities to use these amazing tools/methods in the coming days as a coach!

It is one thing to believe a certain medicine works and precribe it to others and it's another thing altogether when you take the same medicine you are precribing to others. thanks Coach Mel for the question and here's a snapshot of Ohman's Quadrant when applied to me.

What am I realizing when I place my Strengths into the Quadrant? Here are some insights:

Strength (Core Quality: TALKATIVE - yes I love to talk, to teach, to explain. I feel excited and comfortable whenever I get a chance to speak. I appreciate this strength and do expect others to be more communicative.

Pitfall: RAMBLING - I can just go on and on, explaining, telling stories, filling up time. A common comment is "Once he starts talking it's difficult for him to stop." I tend to justify myself when I talk to much or hog the conversation.

Challenge: CONCISE - To be clear what needs to be said, say only it and then shut up. It's a strength I admire in speakers I admire and something I sometimes wonder I could improve on.

Allergy: AMBIGUOUS - just can't stand people who when speak are neither here or there, their ideas are all over the place and I have no idea what they are actually trying to say. It is something I would need to consider and determine a more positive response.

 

 

 

 

 

Neurological Levels And Coaching

An early NLP model that offers so much in terms of executing change and identifying areas for focus when seeking to get unstuck. That was my initial conclusion as I bombarded myself with YouTube videos and articles on Neurological Levels to catchup on Web-torial 21 that I was not able to attend.

Usually presented as a pyramid, it could be used for personal development and to describe the change processes we experience with a focus on goal achievement and personal development. I just love the potential assistance this model offers. The concept of levels – stages where we are at or could be – helps pinpoint where to focus when seeking change and what areas to work on as we endeavor to develop and move on in the pursuit of our goals.

In short, every goal you want to achieve or a problem in your life bothering you is within one of these levels. Once we understand this model, we can use it to understand where our problem is at and use the different levels in order to solve it.

Related to a core practice in coaching, each level has a set of questions, each specific to that level. Once a present level is identified, as a coach I can then proceed to ask related questions suitable to that level or a level up (especially when seeking to get unstuck or see progress). It’s exciting to see how this NLP model ties in with a key coaching practice (asking powerful questions).

Levels Explained Briefly

Here are the six levels commonly presented and briefly explained. As a side note it is interesting to note that in general higher levels are believed to have a greater effect on lower levels than vice versa and changes made at the higher levels have greater and obvious impact.

1. Environment – our temporal surroundings and space that is experienced externally; can be answered with the questions "Where?", "When?", "Who?", "With whom?", "Who else?".
2. Behavior – our actions and reactions; “What” is the key question here
3. Skills – the capabilities we have to execute our behaviors in certain environments. It’s the knowing, thinking and feeling, including awareness behind the abilities manifested; the question here is "How?".
4. Beliefs/Values – this level refers to the beliefs, the convictions, the values, the inner criteria that underlie one’s actions (consciously and unconsciously), the actual motives of a person, guiding ideas that is believed to be true and guides the use of his abilities; “Why” is the key question.
5. Identity – this is the level where he constructs his self-image, the ideas he constructs about himself and his behavior. “Who” is the obvious question here.
6. Vision – sometimes seen as the spiritual level, it’s about place and contribution at the professional, family, social or religious affiliation level; It is about the "big questions" in life: "Why do we live?", "Why are we here?", "What is the meaning of life?

Using Comments to Identify Levels

A powerful yet simple way to connect these levels in our coaching is to identify a key comment made by our client and identify its relation to the six levels. For example, the following comment – “I can’t do that here” - highlights five of the key levels in one sentence. Where the person emphasizes a word will often bring out, which logical level needs to be addressed and to take action.

• “I can’t do that here” – Emphasis on the identity level: Who could do the job? What could I do?
•  “I can’t do that here” – Emphasis on the beliefs and values level: What keeps me away from doing the task? Who told me that I am not made for to do that?
•  “I can’t do that here” – Emphasis on the capability level: Do I need additional skills, techniques or methods to proceed?
•  “I can’t do that here” – Emphasis on the behavior level: What kind of actions can I do? Does the task have a positive intention? Is it in accordance with my personal development?
•  “I can’t do that here” – Emphasis on the environment level: Where, when, with whom could I take action? What is my ideal working environment? What time of the day will be best?

Levels in Coaching

From what has been presented, when a client presents a problem, I can see how I could use this model to help my client see where they are at, identify what is causing them problems and see where they can change to create progress. My client could say: “I can’t get clients into my coaching program.” In order to assist my client to clarify her situation and identify what could be done, I could use these levels to decide how I would guide her with my questions.

Environment – How is your present location affecting the number of clients you are attracting? What is present where you are that could help you get more clients? Sometimes a change in the environment or a change of environment can bring a desired change.

Behavior – What are you doing to get clients? What could you do to get more clients? Sometimes what we are doing (or not doing) contribute to the problem. Changing this can result in desired change.

Skills/Capabilities – How could you improve on what you have done? What one ability if improved on would help you get more clients? Every goal we have demands certain capabilities to achieve it. Improving or learning a new skill could be what the client needs.

Beliefs - What is important to you here? Why do you do what you are doing? What do you believe about ‘getting clients’? We form beliefs about what is possible or impossible, necessary or unnecessary and so on. A certain belief may be hindering my client from attracting new clients. Once tweaked, her solution may be just around the corner.

Identity – Who are you in this situation? What do you think about yourself when you take steps to get clients? A change in the “I am” of my client will automatically create new beliefs which will create more capabilities which will create more behaviors. .  . which will help her get more clients.

Vision/Purpose – How does getting clients encourage you towards your vision in life? A clear purpose/mission for having clients sometimes can give the necessary encouragement and guidance to how this situation could be resolved.

Indeed this is a great tool to generate awareness and to clue me in as to where my attention could be directed towards as I guide my client in unravelling her present condition and identifying what steps could be taken to promote progress and change.

 

Of Words, Filters and Styles (I Hear You)

What you say betrays what’s in you. Everything that enters and exits your mind is filtered. You have a preferred way to communicate. This in short, are the three lessons I picked up from web-torial 20 Filters and Styles. As with all the other web-torial, these lessons are both applicable to the coach as well as the coachee and if understood, given attention and responded to properly, will increase awareness and effectiveness.

Your Words Betray You

Jesus is recorded to have said that from the abundance of the heart, we speak and what we speak is just a revelation of what is in us, in our mind and heart. Thus, paying attention to our selected words when speaking can be very beneficial in revealing our true nature, our beliefs and values as well as our self-imposed blocks towards success. I enjoyed Coach Mel’s emphasis and example’s on how even one sentence from a client contains so much revelation if we just pick up key words and emotions our client attaches to a just uttered sentence. Indeed, there is ‘so much behind everything said’ and every repeated or emphasized word is full of meanings and is multi-layered. Our client’s tongue will always reveal what is lurking in her psyche and it is our responsibility to be aware of the language being used, the way the words are spoken and certain trends that may begin to form as she continues speaking.

We are enormously revealing to others if we know how to recognize the content and style of our words. This is what The Secret Life of Pronouns author and University of Texas psychologist James Pennebaker described in his book and TEDx talk. When listening to words people use, he says confident people use fewer “I” words as well as older people who also tend to use more positive emotional words. He also discovered one’s health is more likely to improve with the increased use of cognitive words (know, realize, understand) and open, honest conversations about traumatic or painful life experiences. So, pay attention to style words your clients use (conjunctions, pronouns, prepositions) and how they describe things or themselves.

It's All Filtered

Next, from the NLP communication model, we were introduced to Filters, the process we all employ that produces the things we say in the way we say them. So looks like what I think and say and what my client thinks and say has all been filtered through one or more of three recognized filters – Delete, Distort and/or Generalize.  Here then is what I currently understand about these filters we apply to filter incoming information relevance.

• Delete – We use this to remove everything we consider irrelevant so that we have room to focus on what is considered important to us at any given time.
• Distort – This usually happens at an unconscious level and is used to distort our perceptions in such a way so we are not hindered by them. This would usually be changing what a thing may represent to us (for example sickness is not a source of pain but an opportunity to practice patience and faith). This filter helps protect us and keep us in the positive.
• Generalize – a process where from only one or a few experiences a conclusion is created. This has its advantages and disadvantages. For example, as a child you hear from your parents and teachers repeatedly that you are stupid and soon you come to believe it. As an adult, whenever you fail at a task, the conclusion is the same – “I am stupid” – though there may be many other possible reasons.

These filters and their effect on our clients play an important role in understanding and creating awareness both for us as coaches as well as for our clients. By being aware of their effects, we can better perceive reality and help our clients see how often they mislead themselves or hide behind these perception filters. This is certainly important to know when seeking to create or raise awareness in our client’s mind.

Love Your Communication Style

Lastly, we were required to take a VAKAD test and I got 37 for AD and 32 for K which in general says that my preferred communicative style is Auditory Digital meaning I prefer to deal with logic and tend to talk to myself, using a collection of word symbols and the rules that govern their use to best communicate with the world. But what is VAKAD? It stands for Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic and Audio-Digital, the four sensory modalities used in NLP to determine which representational system and individual prefers when processing and sharing information. Using this NLP Representational Systems, we can accelerate our ability to know how our mind works and helps us unlock and access a wealth of information inside us and to connect with our clients. It also helps us understand how our clients internally represent their everyday experiences.

A dead giveaway in identifying which modality you and/or your client’s function from is the words they use when describing situations or themselves. A Visual person will use visual words like: see, looks, appear, imagine, crystal clear. The Auditory person will go for words like can you hear, sounds good, all ears, that rings a bell and How does that sound to you?. On the other hand a Kinesthetic person may say words such as grasp, get a hold of, catch on, tap into and Can you handle this?. Lastly the Audio-Digital person will usually be found saying I understand, consider, know, perceive and Does that make sense?

Each modality reveals itself in unique ways through certain common characteristics. Being aware of this helps you understand your client – how she processes and presents information during a session for example – and gives you clues as to how best you reflect and relay feedback and questions to your client. Here are some generalizations on the characteristics of people with a preference for one of the four modalities.

Visual

• Organized, neat and well groomed and they expect the same from you.
• Visualization and imagination are key in getting insights and making decisions. Metaphors are important when communicating with them
• They see and speak from a big picture or a series of pictures. This is commonly results in them speaking faster, seem disjointed when sharing information and resorting to using pictures to explain something.

Auditory

• Learn by listening and asking questions
• Talk through problems with someone available as a sounding board
• Aware of voice tone change and distracted by noise

Kinesthetic

• Learn by doing, moving or touching
• Make decisions based on feelings
• They tend to speak slower and stand closer – helps them get in touch with how they feel about the topic and the listener’s energy.

Audio-Digital

• Have a need to make sense of the world, to figure things out, to understand
• Learn by working things out in their mind and by talking to themselves.
• Generally not open to spontaneity as they like to think things through.

I am fascinated by this NLP tool as it has helped describe me and very quickly reveals how important it is for me to be aware from which modality my client is operating from so I can respond and relate effectively thus enabling understanding and awareness to quickly be present. Identifying which Representational System my client is using guided by common generalized characteristics or by taking an assessment may be a good thing to do at the early stages of coaching especially if there is a block or interference in communication during the coaching sessions.