On Becoming a Trustworthy Coach

This Core Competency is basically how a coach can help create trust and a sense of safety for the client to enable her to open up and share what is necessary for her progress. Without trust in the coach and a conviction that she is in a safe space (safe for her) very little progress can be made as the conversations will be guarded and every comment second-guessed. I am glad that this is a core competency because I believe if a coach is not able to create trust and safety, there is no coaching. With that said let me begin by sharing how Coach Mel helped me trust him and believe I am in safe hands.

Why should I trust a man I have never met and interacted face-to-face, a man I had no idea even existed on planet Earth until just a few months ago? From a Zoom call that lasted 30 minutes to a series of WhatsApp exchanges, Coach Mel began to build trust in me. I was delighted to discover he was a fellow Malaysian and was living in the city my wife and I love most outside of Kuching. I was glad to know he was a man of faith and some of his heroes were mine too. In his WhatsApp messages he was very positive, encouraging and supportive. He went the extra mile to make it possible for me to enroll and be a Catalyst student. I saw him on LinkedIn, YouTube and in major ICF events – that helped a lot in convincing me this man was the genuine thing and not a self-declared coach or a bogus training provider. All of this in just a few weeks, enough to convince me I can trust him and I am safe with him. Here then are the FIVE things Coach Mel did to create trust and safety for me:

• Shared similarity
• Displayed competency
• Gracious acts of kindness
• Supportive words
• Belief in my potential

I must say I am impressed on how efficiently Coach Mel did this because I have a problem with trusting others as a result of some events in my childhood and in my adult working life. You may say I have trust issues. And this leads me to another point – some of your clients may have unresolved trust issues. It’s not that you are not good in building trust and safety with your client but your client has difficulty trusting (for various reasons). My difficulty in trusting others stem from the fear of losing the respect of others, being rejected and judged/punished if I opened up and shared my true self. So far I am thankful I still feel I am in a safe class and safe with the coaches instructing me. For this I am grateful. You as a coach may have clients that are like me – understanding where they are coming from, their fears and their need for a safe place will certainly help you build trust and safety for them.

In a safe place, with a trusted coach, a client will be able to finally bloom or finally clear the bin of all that smells, creating a window for change and growth. To be able to express freely knowing you will not be judged and punished helps bring to the surface issues that should and can be resolved and helps introduce new solutions that are free to be suggested without fear of rejection and ridicule. All this will certainly enable the client to create her own path towards her desired goals. Trust and safety go hand-in-hand and are two parts of a coin – you can’t have one without the other.

Though there is mention of partnering with the client to create trust and safety, I find this core competency leaning heavily on what the coach MUST DO to create trust and safety in his client. The competency focusses of the words and actions of the coach more often than not. It is the coach that serves, adapts, respects, demonstrates on behalf of the client, making it as easy as possible for the client to trust the coach and feel safe in a coaching situation. The six sub-points are excellent pointers on how a coach can do this and I must say these pointers work with almost any relationship where you are partnering with at least one other person. As a relationship counselor for unmarrieds who are in-love, I find these six pointers excellent tips for a partner seeking to become a trustworthy boyfriend/girlfriend. Good practical stuff.

Here is my take on the six sub-points as it relates to how a coach can become a trustworthy individual who creates a safe space for his client(s):

 

1. Seeks to understand the client within their context which may include their identity, environment, experiences, values and beliefs.

A coach is to make the required effort to get acquainted and familiar with the nature and significance of who the client thinks and believe they are, their physical and social surroundings that have an impact on them, what has and is happening to them that affects and contributes to the problem we are partnering to solve, the life principles they esteem and live by and what they are presently confident about and accept as true.

This would mean being curious about the client, asking lots of questions that will provide a window into all these aspects and to pick up these elements during conversations throughout the sessions. Reminder – always be curious about your client.

 

2. Demonstrates respect for the client’s identity, perceptions, style and language AND adapts one’s coaching to the client.

A coach must be able to show clearly by word and action that he has high regard and admiration for who the client is and believes she is, for her way of seeing things and interpreting her life experiences, for her distinctive manner of expressing and conducting herself and the way of speaking and register of words she selects by intentionally and willingly changing his method of interaction, plans and style of coaching so as to fit his client’s manifested personality mold.

This would mean accepting the client at face value as she is AND purposely deciding to be in awe of the person’s personality and presentation and all the while changing any aspect of my coaching that would create conflict with what the client is manifesting so as to put the client at ease. A reminder that will have to be made to self before seeing every client – be water, be flexible.

 

3. Acknowledges and respects the client’s unique talents, insights and work in the coaching process.

A coach is to recognize and make known with high regard and admiration verbally the client’s unique, creative or artistic abilities, her way of seeing things and interpreting her life experiences and the effort she makes to carry out the tasks agreed upon or assigned to her during the coaching sessions.

This would mean recognizing the client’s unique contribution and effort during the coaching sessions and any form of contribution she makes. In short be her cheerleader and praise any contribution from her in every session. Note to self – praise and celebrate every contribution from client.

 

4. Shows support, empathy and concern for the client.

In word and action, a coach is to be open to expressing a commitment to assist, to manifest an understanding and vicariously experiencing the thoughts and experiences communicated by the client, and to care and take into serious consideration the client’s condition as expressed.

This would mean having a sensitive and open heart towards the client’s situation – to be a human with a heart and helping hands. Note – don’t be a cold, heartless coach. Be human. Be a compassionate human.

 

5. Acknowledges and supports the client’s expression of feelings, perceptions, concerns, beliefs and suggestions.

A coach is to is to recognize, make known and help the client when she makes known in word and action her emotions, way of seeing things and interpreting her life experiences, what she cares deeply about, what she presently is confident about and accept as true and

In other words a client’s feedback, expression and contribution is to be recognize and encouraged as well as applauded. “Tell me more” and “I understand” and maybe “This is good” are key comments to be made during a coaching session for this trust-creating sub-point to be realized.

 

6. Demonstrates openness and transparency as a way to display vulnerability and build trust with the client.

For this sub-point a coach is encouraged to be vulnerable and this is to be showcased clearly by word and action via the ability to share his feelings, thoughts, needs and fears, without fear of judgement or repercussion to the client with the expressed intention that what is shared will assist the client in trusting the coach more.

This is a big one. To me it means at times, snippets of my life could be shared with the client to help convince the client that I have an understanding and connection with what the client is experiencing and my life snippet could help bring understanding and clarity to my client as she finds her answer. Again, I believe this is a call to be real and human when coaching – not Superman, untouched by human frailties.

 

A Coach's Tale: Chapter 6 The Contract

He took a deep breath and let go a long sigh.                  

“Agreements. Just another fancy word for contracts,” he mumbled.

Never had he imagined that being a coach would be so technical, so professional, so challenging. When he decided to pursue coaching as his next career, he expected one-to-one talks with individuals whom he would assist in finding the path they would want to take to reach their desired destination. Never in his wildest dreams did he imagined himself coaching individuals from a company or organization, working with clients and relevant stakeholders to create clear agreements about the coaching relationship, process, plans and goals. Heck, he wasn’t quite sure if he even understood the process and how to create a coaching plan!

Another sigh as he shook his head in disbelief.

To establish agreements to cover both the overall coaching engagement as well as for each coaching session, he realized, would require some strong, clear-headed and directed discussions with the stakeholders and potential coachees to be clear where everyone is coming from, what everyone is expecting and the reason(s) for summoning him and his services as a coach. For this, he was thankful for past careers which included board and planning meetings, public speaking and group discussions, all which he assumed would help him maneuver the exploratory meetings he was to have with the CEO of Everdabest Corporation, its HR officer and three officers who were up and coming (his potential coachees).

He took a long sip from his coffee cup, looked out of his office window and asked, “What on earth will I put in the final agreement? What will I, the stakeholders and the coachees need to be clear about and come to agreement on?”

As he wondered, he recalled his initial introduction to coaching as well as the general misconceptions many had about coaching. A lightbulb came on! “Yes, I will need to explain what is and is not coaching and describe the process I will use, the one the coachees will undergo and the stakeholders will be expecting me to run.” He quickly scribbled down words and phrases that describe what coaching is (a partnership, a dance of trust and discovery, a walk together on a path created by the coachee spurred by the guiding questions from the coach) and what it is not (not fixing problems nor providing solutions, not therapy or mentoring). He was thankful for the early lessons from his Catalyst class for this insights.

For the upcoming meeting, he realized he would have to present and explain the process he would be using with the coachee. He looked out of his office window again, watching the traffic below. Then it hit him. All the cars were heading to a specific destination, using the available routes, picking the ones most helpful to help them reach their destination soonest. In the same way, his process would basically be the route he would select to best help his client to reach their desired destination soonest. After a few minutes of deep thought and some scribblings, he decided on a diagram to illustrate his process.

 

He was rather pleased with his diagram but he realized there was much more to do. For instance, in the upcoming meeting, he would have to iron out with the stakeholders and his potential coachees as to what would be appropriate in this coaching relationship, what is and is not being offered and (the often sticky one) the responsibilities of his client and the stakeholders. He made a note and underlined it: Stakeholders MUST be part of the coaching relationship and responsibilities. I want them to be in constant communication with my coachees, following-up progress and encouraging them. He also made a mental note that he would need to clarify the relationship and responsibility expectation between him and his clients. “Much to put on the table and agree on,” he whispered “but when this is clear, I will be able to get on with business!” Saying this made him remember a mantra a wise coach of his often repeated: Specifics brings clarity.

All this thinking and preparation kept him in a state of stress but the cortisol and adrenaline flowing freely in his body helped him keep alert as he jumped into the next item on his agreement preparation agenda: agree about the guidelines and specific parameters of the coaching relationship such as logistics, fees, scheduling, duration, termination, confidentiality and inclusion of others. He took a deep breath and jotted down the following on his yellow A4 writing pad (he still believed in the power of writing things down):

• Fees – mentioned to the CEO, prefer a package deal opened to staggered payments
• Scheduling – first few sessions on a weekly basis and then maybe once in two or three weeks
• Duration: between three to ten months (need to finalize at the meeting)
• Termination – terms to be agreed but will allow certain conditions for client to exit earlier. Need to clarify in the meeting acceptable reasons for me and/or client to exit prematurely.
• Confidentiality – what goes on between me and client is confidential unless permission is granted to share; what goes in between me and stakeholders is also confidential. A general, verbal report on what I have done and progress of clients may be given after every four sessions to stakeholders if required and agreed upon.

“Phew, there’s just so much nitty-gritty details to cover. I hope I don’t miss out anything. Will need to listen carefully to those in the meeting to pick out any details I may have overlooked,” he thought as he stepped out from behind his table and sat on a comfortable blue sofa he had in the office. His butt-and-back rest, he joked when explaining the sofa’s presence. Sitting back comfortably he began to wonder how the overall coaching plan and goals would look like but he knew he was jumping the gun. He would only be able to craft this after speaking and listening to his potential clients and all relevant stakeholders, realizing all of them would have their own goals and expectations. Only when he was clear of everyone’s expectations and everyone comes to an agreement on what goals all of them would accept could he then draft an overall coaching plan. This he expected would materialize at the goal alignment meeting, scheduled several days after this upcoming meeting.

With this item ticked on his to-do list, he decided to give a call to his lovely and loved wife to see how she was doing. The call perked-up his spirit and added a bounce to his tired mind. He was glad that after all these years, the chemistry he had with his wife was always vibrant and exciting. During the call he discussed briefly with his wife his desire to have the right chemistry with his soon-to-be clients. “I will need to determine my compatibility with my clients and vice-versa. Without it there can be no thriving, open and trusting relationship. How on earth can coaching happen?” he explained to his patient wife. She then left him with a question he hoped he would have a better answer for the next time the question was brought up: What are the indicators you would use to determine your client-coach compatibility? The only answer he had was, “My gut feeling when I eventually speak to the client.”

What he was actually looking forward to was the time he would have with his latest clients to identify what they want to accomplish in the sessions he would be having with them. This was when they would be (or he hoped) real and honest with him and together, they would identify one or more goals that would make a big difference in their lives at the end of the coaching experience. For this to happen he knew he would have to partner with his clients to define what they believe they need to address or resolve to achieve what they want to accomplish in the sessions. He always found this exciting, the opportunity to identify a desired destination and then to partner with his clients to identify possible paths, select one and then agree on the steps they would take. He smiled, stood up and clapped his hands in anticipation of more lives being impacted by his coaching.

On the way back to his hard office chair behind his desk, he grabbed a stress ball he kept on the desk, a fun and necessary accessory to reduce the level of stress in his body. He was committed to this after he was warned by his doctor about keeping his blood pressure low. As long as the numbers were in the safe zone, he knew he was successful in managing his hypertension. How he wished it was as easy as that to measure his success with his clients. Hearing his Catalyst guru say that measuring coaching success was still a debatable matter in the coaching world didn’t help. How do you measure numerically and quantitatively the level of success of your coaching? The intangible indicators – client is satisfied and feels his/her goal was accomplished for example – seemed to be good enough but he knew in the corporate world of reports, ROIs and results, he would have to figure out some measurable indicators so as to be able to announce that his coaching was successful. The good thing, he reminded himself, was that he would be working with his client to identify the measures and to confirm with them if a goal was accomplished. The testimony of two or three witnesses confirms the act, as they say.

He had enjoyed his coaching sessions with individuals when he first began coaching. The clients trusted him and sought him out. Agreements were clear, simple and usually verbally agreed on. Each session was more or less an hour long and if they wanted to extend a session he was given the authority to decide either way. Even so, each session was directed and determined by his coachee’s already mentioned and agreed upon goals and if for whatever reason, the coachee would desire to deviate from the agreed outcomes, he would remind and review what was said and what was now suggested. If his client still insisted on a new trajectory, he was all in for a new path and all the adventures that comes with it.

But now he was coaching sponsored staff of a company, having goals to meet set by the stakeholders as well. It wasn’t as fluid and free as before. He then made a mental note: When formulating the contract, make sure it is mentioned that the coaching is conducted in the direction of the client's desired outcome unless the client indicates otherwise. What he was thankful for was the fact that each session would still be around an hour to an hour and half guided by the agreed goals. The possibility of partnering with these upcoming corporate big guns and to walk with them as they seek to improve themselves, learn new skills and become more effective leaders gave him goosebumps. What an honor.

Suddenly a familiar melody blared from his smartphone, ending his temporary mental ruminations. It was his longtime friend Andy who was having a rough time with his divorce proceedings. He felt sorry for his friend and spared a few minutes listening to Andy share what transpired in court as he spelt out all that was required from him to end the marriage. When he finally said bye to Andy, he remembered the advice his late mother had given to him about ending something. She said, “Without an honorable closure, we drag out endings to a bitter end.” With this truth reverberating in his mind, he pondered how he would partner with his latest clients to end the coaching relationship in a way that honors the experience. On his part, identifying highlights and transformative points during the whole process would be key as well as celebrating key milestones the clients passed.

Just at that moment, he remembered something. He stood up, turned around and picked a book from the bookshelf behind him. The title on the cover read ‘The Four-Fold Way’ by Angeles Arien. He quickly flipped to the chapter titled Honorable Closure and began to take notes. He wrote on his A4 notepad:

The ritual of Honorable Closure has four practices. Use these protocols to be good stewards of transition and to ensure you never take anything for granted.

1. Gratitude – a recognition that the coaching experience was a gift; identify the blessings and lessons learnt with a grateful heart

2. Positive Impact – the indelible mark on our lives made during the coaching sessions; how our lives changed for the better, how our clients were recognized and acknowledged for their contribution in each session

3. Challenge – what helped the coachee (and you) become stronger and better, contributing to our growth and development? How have my clients grown?

4. Reparation – this is an important time to review impact. Have we caused injury through fear or confusion? Will I have regrets if I leave important things unsaid or not done? Is there anything I need to take responsibility for?

Honorable closure requires good stewardship of relationships.

The bells of an old church near his office began to toll. It was a call to the faithful to attend the midweek evening prayers but for this tired coach it was a beautiful reminder that it was time to leave the office, to put aside all the demands of writing another coaching contract and to head home to rest and recuperate. Soon all was put away and he walked briskly out of his office as he pulled the door behind him shut.

Thud!

He turned around to see the signage on his door lying on the floor. He picked it up, gave it a quick wipe up his trousers and hung it back on the door. He smiled as he read the words carved on it:

COACH PETER DE RUN - Assisting you to be your best

 

 

 

 

5. Embodying a Coaching MINDSET

An addition to the newly minted updated ICF Core Competency Model is A. FOUNDATION Item 2, Embodying a Coaching Mindset, is ICF’s gallant effort to flesh out the MINDSET a coach needs to have and what a coach will DO if he/she lives out actively and intentionally this mindset.

I love the word ‘mindset’ because I found it to be a liberating key when I teach on benefitting from stress and when I counsel clients using Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), both exercises focusing on creating and having a positive mindset. A simple definition for mindset would be “a set of beliefs that shape how you make sense of the world and yourself and it influences how you think, feel, and behave in any given situation.” Thus a Coaching Mindset is a set of beliefs that shape how you make sense of yourself as a coach and it influences how you think, feel, and behave in any coaching situation. It is a wholesome summary of much that has been covered so far concerning BEing a coach and what we do when coaching.

I am again thankful for the ICF team that worked hard to create this addition to the Core Competency Model and spelling out in black and white what are the beliefs embodied in this mindset and then listing eight practical ways how coaches embody – live out – these beliefs. According to ICF a Coaching Mindset is a combination of four beliefs a coach has about himself as he relates to his client/coachee: open, curious, flexible and client oriented.

Here’s my take of these four beliefs as I seek to wrap my mind around them:

Open – no reservations or judgement on anything said or selected by the client. Listen and absorb to understand, setting no boundaries for our clients. Our client is at the driver’s seat and the hand brakes are out of bounds to us. We are just there to help listen, frame, and reflect what our clients is saying so she does not drive off the road, head down a cliff or take us to where no man has ever gone before (for good reasons).

Curious – the belief that garnered a strong resistance within me as I interpreted this as requiring a coach to be inquisitive, intrusive and being a busy body. Raised up with the values ‘Don’t ask if they don’t tell’ and ‘Mind your own business', the requirement to be curious about my coachee (what is happening in her life and what she is revealing) felt wrong. Even so, input from Coach Colin and Michael helped me see that my curiosity is for the benefit of my client, to uncover and assist my client understand what she meant in order to understand her situation and solution. A question to ask myself when I seek to be curious is to ask, “For whose benefit am I asking this question?”. I also like the idea that being curious is being able to not jump to conclusions but to milk out every possible and necessary information with the request, “Tell me more”. 

What should pique my curiosity when I’m with my coachee?

• Emotions shown or mentioned
• Important and repeated words used by the coachee
• Non-verbal signals from the coachee

Flexible – not rigid with my standpoint or understanding. Flow with anything the coachee believes, suggest, and practices, fully accepting and allowing my client to be who she is and wants to be/do. I’m not there to follow my agenda but hers, not there to suggest my answers but hers, to reach her desired destination not the one I think she should be headed towards. It’s her show and I must be open and fully permitting her to run her show even if contravenes my personal standards and values (honestly, this could be a challenge). I like the idea that for every coaching session, I start with a blank page and see myself as a beginner whose agenda will be set by my client. Again, the idea that it’s the coachee driving the car. Sit down and shut up and let her drive.

Client-oriented – isn’t this just the summary of the three beliefs just mentioned? This is like the holy mantra for a coach – I need to decrease, my client needs to increase; not my will but yours (client) be done. Got it, loud and clear.

To embody these four beliefs effectively, I love the advice Coach Mel gave in the recorded webtorial: How do I embody this mindset in ALL my relationships from now on? I know from experience and my years of counselling couples that IF you are open, curious, flexible and partner-oriented, your relationship is already on the fast track towards a more loving and strong union.

To guide coaches on how to embody this mindset, ICF has listed eight actions while Catalyst suggest seven (calling them building blocks) with an obvious repetition/overlap for five of the points, two which hit me hard as something new to learn and practice to the point of having them become part of my life practice (i.e. a habit):

ICF: 2. Engages in ongoing learning and development as a coach

Catalyst: 2. Coach’s ongoing Learning and Development (L&D)

My attention was drawn to these letters L&D. Never having seen them or experienced what they stand for in my past lives, I was glad to discover it stands for Learning and Development. A quick Google search explained how it’s used in the business/corporate world but I don’t think it was how it was explained in the webtorial. So I conclude it’s just another fancy term for lifelong learning, something I strongly believe in. I was happy to hear Coach Colin make the point this does not necessarily mean amassing degrees and certificates but it’s a journey of MASTERY, a constant gathering of knowledge and learning new skills. A reminder from him I took to heart was – “Don’t say ‘I know that already’ but be open to learning something new all the time from everybody.

This means actively, purposely and joyfully INVESTING in myself. Adding education and experiences into my life to make me a wholesome coach, knowledgeable in the many branches of coaching and related fields as well as daily inputting information via books, videos, podcast etc. A lifelong student hungry for life transforming information and practices. What a way to live life! Bring it on! Yes!

Some notes on Lifelong Learning:

• Self-initiated learning focused on personal development
• A voluntary act to achieve personal fulfillment
• “it recognizes that humans have a natural drive to explore, learn and grow and encourages us to improve our own quality of life.”
• Self-taught or instruction is sought
• Includes developing new skills, activity, technology or acquiring new knowledge

 

My biggest takeaway, impact and challenge for this session was this DO:

ICF:  3. Develops an ongoing reflective practice to enhance one's coaching

Catalyst: 3. Reflective Practice.

I heard about this when I was a teacher. I was encouraged to reflect after each class but at that time I was not sold on the idea and so the exhortation went in one ear and left the other soon after but when both ICF and Catalyst insisted it’s a MUST DO, my ears perked up and I asked in class how do I practice this practice. Thanks to Pat for introducing me to the KISS Reflective Model and the next day Google introduced me to Gibbs’ Reflective Cycle and to round it up, Coach Colin introduced the idea of journaling my reflections. Got it! So now it’s time to read up, understand and practice the KISS Model and Gibbs Reflective Cycle, writing down my answers in my newly bought journal (I guess I will need more than one if this coaching career lifts off).

Some notes on the KISS Reflective Model:

This management/reflective technique Keep-Improve-Start-Stop – or KISS – provides a structure for key feedback to improve oneself with the aim to achieve success, once again using a series of powerful questions:

• Keep – What am I doing well and need to keep doing as a coach to achieve my vision?
• Improve – What am I already doing that could be improved to make me an even more efficient coach?
• Stop – What do I need to stop doing – either because it no longer contributes to my vision or is no longer effective?
• Start – What do I need to start doing that I haven’t been doing or other coaches do with a greater level of success?

 

Some notes on Gibbs’ Reflective Cycle:

One of the most famous models of reflection that leads you through six stages of exploration (guided by some helpful questions for each section):

1. Description of the experience (facts only)
2. Feelings and thoughts about the experience
3. Evaluation of the experience (good and bad)
4. Analyze to make sense of experience
5. Conclusion of what was learnt and what could have been done differently
6. Action plan – what will do in the future

DO THIS AND YOU WILL PROSPER

Many years ago when my late brother and I were promoting a training program on ethics in business, we received several phone calls from irate businessmen who basically had one point to make with the intention of discouraging us from continuing the program: There is no such thing as ethics in business. I am glad to discover that such thinking does not exist in the coaching business especially among ICF accredited coaches (thunderous applause please).

I just love the definition for the word ethics – moral principles that govern a person’s behavior or the conducting of an activity – especially the idea of an agreed set of principles to govern our behavior and conduct as a coach and as we coach. Thankfully, we have the ICF as the creator and enforcer of these principles and as we submit to the set code of ethics, coaches have an idea what they ought to do in terms of rights, obligations and responsibility to various components of the coaching industry and society at large.

The ICF Code of Ethics is a gift to all its coaches as it ensures the integrity of the coaching profession, a profession yet unregulated and thus open to abuse by unethical coaches. It also sets a common standard for all levels of coaches to govern their conduct – an all-inclusive code of conduct for the green coach, still wet behind the ears to the seasoned, oak-strong coaches that serve as models and idols in this wonderful business of assisting others discover their potential and transform their lives.

With the establishment of the Ethical Conduct Review (ECR), unethical coaches can be reported and a set of procedures to review, investigate and respond to alleged unethical practices of behavior is assured. I believe the making of laws is useless if there is no power enforcing those laws and no action meted to those breaking the laws created. With the ECR, some muscle has been given to the ethical codes formulated and it will do us good to obey the law.

When a bunch of slaves escaped Egypt to begin a new life in a faraway land, some law and order, to govern this nation in-the-making was necessary. According to the famous story, 10 commandments (plus a slew of other laws and principles) were given to them by God via their leader Moses. These Mosaic Laws were to be meditated on day and night, spoken at every gathering, shared with everyone at every opportunity and most importantly, obeyed completely as long as the people had breath. Listening to our tutor of the night, Coach Bongi, emphasize repeatedly how the ICF Code of Ethics should be read over and over again, till we understood every law and rule, till we practiced it religiously, guided by its content every second we move and breathe as a coach, I could not but see the similarities of both bodies of rules and the important role they play.

So I have planned to download the pdf file containing these Codes and begin to meditate on them, day and night, to memorize them so that I can carefully obey all that is written in it for then I am confident I will prosper and be successful as a coach! Thanks ICF and all involved in the challenging task of formulating and presenting the Code of Ethics for every coach under its umbrella (they even upgraded the Code for this year!).

Another thing I love about the Code is its comprehensiveness and the power it gives me as one who submits to its demands and practices it to a T especially the power to say ‘NO’ when my coachee, sponsor(s) or stakeholders cross the ethical borders via their demands and actions. All I have to say, using the iconic words of Chief T’Challa of Wakanda, “We don’t do that here” and if I am questioned why, all I need to say is, “The ICF Code of Ethics says so”. This is so liberating and gives me confidence to exercise my skills as a coach, knowing what I stand for and practice is backed by a higher power and not of my own making.

But like the exhortation of the brother of a famous man from Nazareth, we are to be Doers of these rules and not just knowledgeable readers and hearers of the ICF Code of Ethics. For if we just read and understand these laws but fail to comply fully with them then we are no different than a man who is aware there is a dirt mark on his face after looking in the mirror but then walks away without taking any action. Thus the requirement from ICF is that we DEMONSTRATE ETHICAL PRACTICE as a coach. We need to be found guilty of tenaciously upholding and living out all that is written in the Code of Ethics!

To help us and to make sure we have no excuse, ICF has spelled it out in detail as what it means and how it looks like if a coach demonstrates ethical practice in his coaching business – to be exact 7 MUST DO’s. Here they are in table form and my comment/thoughts about each requirement.

1. Having personal integrity and honesty in all his interactions	Integrity and honesty – whole and undivided commitment to living out the moral principles espoused without any shadow of doubt.  Fantastic standards!
2. Sensitive to the client’s needs, beliefs, values etc.	In other words, the coachee is to be honored, respected and given preference always. Or in the famous words, “Not my will but yours”.
3. Use appropriate and respectful language.	Mind your language. Let your conversation always be gracious, seasoned with salt, and know how best to speak to your coachee resulting in conversations that remove blockages, promotes wellness and encourages tolerance, thankfulness and kindness.
4. Abide by the ICF Code of Ethics and uphold its Core Values	Be obedient practitioners, faithfully living as coaches in full submission and practice to the Code and Values. Got it!
5. Maintain confidentiality	This is a BIG ONE! Get very clear even BEFORE coaching begins how much can be revealed and shared to others, can recordings be made, how much you will reveal in your progress reports etc. In this web-torial I realize coaches create CONTRACTS and in it so much needs to be spelt out so that we will never break confidentiality (note to self: need to learn more about coaching contracts)
6. Maintain distinction between other professions	It has been mentioned before and I get it – in the coaching business, NEVER be a consultant, advisor, mentor, therapist, or psychologist. JUST BE A COACH! Spell this out clearly to the coachee and all concerned – what you do and don’t do as a coach and keep repeating the mantra “My coachee is NOT broken. I am not her fixer”. Relieved to hear from the coaches in attendance that this could probably be the most challenging aspect for a new coach (phew!).
7. Refer clients to other support professionals.	How to do this? Refer to the pdf notes available at the Catalyst webpage for Lesson 4. Some practical tips and examples.

Coach Bongi then slipped in one last gem at the last minutes of our online class – we need to show up as PROFESSIONAL COACHES.

• Is your wardrobe reflecting professionalism?
• Is your facial expression reflecting a high standard of professionalism?
• Is your room/meeting place a reflection of your professional standing and practice?

This will be another area I will need to look into and a call to one of my trainer friends who’s an image consultant may be needed (and maybe a room décor expert too while I am at it). This is so exciting – a change of image and place to reflect my new identity as a professional coach. Scary but so good!

So what’s my takeaway from this web-torial? Coaching is a professional, no-nonsense business or as Phua Chu Kang is famous for saying, “Don't play play!” Time to up the ante and be the best!

So You Want To BE a Great Coach?

 What makes a human great?

What are the qualities of a successful man?

What are the outstanding characteristics of amazing women?

What are the habits of extremely successful people?

What are the qualities of a great coach?

Aah, these are questions planted deeply in the belief that humans have the potential to be great beings if they acquire, develop and consistently practice certain qualities, characteristics and habits (Steven Covey’s 7 Habits comes to mind). And where are the answers to these questions to be found? The three usual suspects are men and women, past and present, whom we deem great and successful (imitate them), great philosophies and schools of thought (understand and live by the key thoughts propounded) and religious books (obey divine guidance on the subject). I find answers vary, the principles and characteristics suggested abundant and the underlying basis is the belief that when certain values are embraced, we become better people.

Now, with this in mind, where do we find the answer to this question: What are the principles practiced and promoted by great coaches?

We need not wonder far or fear failing to discover the answer. Web-Torial #3 gave us a head start – Coach Wooden’s Pyramid of Success and Coach Mel’s 7 Principles of a Great Coach.

 

Coach Wooden’s Pyramid of Success

Who is Coach Wooden and what is the Pyramid of Success?

I first heard of Coach Wooden a few years ago from one of my earliest stranger-mentors (people who indirectly mentored me via their books, videos, podcast etc. without me having an opportunity to develop a personal relationship with them), John Maxwell, who just raved about Coach Wooden, who incidentally was one of his most influential mentors. I then read up a bit about Coach Wooden and his Pyramid and binged on Maxwell’s videos related to Coach John Wooden.

Coach John Wooden is one of America’s greatest basketball coach (if not the greatest) who led his teams to countless record-setting championships but as we saw in a video during our online tutorial, he is remembered not only as a sports coach but a teacher who transformed the lives of his players and countless others who knew him directly or indirectly. He identified characteristics and traits that helped define a successful person (Wooden’s definition of success in itself is a transformative idea: Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming), narrowing the list to 25 common behaviors that he used to create his iconic Pyramid of Success.

This Pyramid serves as a roadmap for individual and team excellence, a collection of life principles to being a better person. These timeless principles provides a guided approach to living a meaningful and fruitful life, powerful enough to create champions and change lives. The characteristics presented in the form of a pyramid highlight the basic qualities one must have that serve as a solid foundation for other traits to stand on, finally narrowing it down at the top with Competitive Greatness – being your best when your best is called for. The formation and strengthening of each trait, block by block helps create a person with a champion mindset and a life that supports such a lofty purpose.

In our online tutorial, Coach Colin did his best to introduce the Pyramid and explain each trait succinctly, ending with a question (I am paraphrasing his words here) – “What one word from the Pyramid will you start with to anchor yourself as a coach?”

Industriousness. Not only is it the first trait in Wooden’s list, it also serves as a vital cornerstone, a must have. I believe in beginning at the beginning, so the obvious character to anchor me as a coach is Industriousness.

But that is not the ‘right from the heart’ reason. It goes deeper. In a conversation with a former colleague, she accidentally revealed that a complaint about me in where I worked then was that I was lazy. There are so many emotional reactions bursting out even now wanting to explain and/or defend myself but that’s for another day. For now let’s say may the intentional selection of Industriousness address this accusation, giving it no place in my new page in life as a coach.

I must say that the definition provide by coach Wooden is also a great help. Yes, the word means hard work but its work based on careful planning. Hard work in itself is not what coach Wooden was advocating but Smart Work. Looking forward to learning all that is necessary in this accreditation course so that I will not only work hard as a coach but work smart, guided by careful planning based on what I have learnt.

Lastly, while we are on this subject, here is a list of questions I have for me to ponder in the coming days and I would like to invite my fellow course mates to consider them too:

• How is a coach who is living/guided by the Pyramid looks like?
• What does he do (daily, habitually) to develop these traits?
• During a coaching session, how are these traits manifested?
• What are some habit-creating practices to I could download and run in my life?

 

Coach Mel’s 7 Principles of a Great Coach

Who is Coach Mel and what is the 7 Principles of a Great Coach?

I found Coach Mel recently on LinkedIn, where he had posted an invitation for those interested in coaching to book a 30 minute Zoom talk with him on the matter. I was at a stage in my life where I was wondering if coaching was the next chapter in my life and so I set up a date with him. I was surprised and delighted to discover he was a fellow Malaysian and living in my dream city, Melbourne. Our conversation sparked a series of events that eventually led me to sign up for the Catalyst Coach Certification program.

Coach Mel is the founder of Catalyst Coach, a movement that seeks to ‘equip 10,000 Coaches over the next 20 years – who will in turn Ignite 10 Million to reach their full potential.’ Indeed, the very essence of a catalyst is to be a person who precipitates change, who functions as a conduit of transformation. It is then no surprise that Coach Mel, drawing for his many years of experience as a coach, identified and listed 7 Principles he believes every great coach will need to have, what every coach will need to believe and practice to become one of the 10,000 coaches he intends to equip as precipitators of change. I believe only when one is clear what is required to produce the desired result can one consciously and effectively create ones dream. With Coach Mel’s 7 Principles as a guide, the creation of great coaches who will spearhead the transformation of lives is now a possibility.

Coach Colin rose up to the occasion to introduce the 7 Principles and took time to explain each principle in detail ending with a question (again I paraphrase his words) – Which of these principles will you use as an anchor in your coaching journey?

My answer without a doubt would be Principle #7 BE the coach. This was a no-brainer for me as I am a strong believer and proponent of the idea who you believe you are determines what you do. Only when you believe you are a coach you will begin to act as a coach. To BE the coach is to manifest all the other six principles (that represent what a great coach believes and does) but to BE a coach, you must see yourself as a coach, believing and acting in sync with this new identity to have selected for yourself.

Several years ago I was stuck in my business as an English tutor. I fail to extend my performance beyond what I had been offering my students and there was a slow drop in number of students signing up. I then came across some articles about super tutors in England and Singapore and I saw myself as one of them – I was doing much of what these super tutors were doing and having the same results too. I wondered if I could be a super tutor too, failing to realize I was potentially one! My coach challenged me to BE a super tutor and to introduce myself as one. It was so difficult and awkward to say, “Hi, I am an English super tutor.” It felt so wrong, I felt like I was lying, I felt like an impostor. But I persisted. Guess what? I became comfortable with my identity, began to change how I dressed, taught my students . . . I transformed into who I potentially could be.

So it is with coaching. Hi, I am a coach. When I sit with you I am a coach and will be all a coach is to you.  It is my selected identity, who I am today. It is only in the being are we able to excel in the doing. As a coach, I naturally find myself asking, “What does a coach do” and the answer is obvious – the other 6 principles.

So, while we are on this subject, here is a list of questions I have for me to ponder in the coming days and I would like to invite my fellow course mates to consider them too:

• How is a coach who is living/guided by the 7 Principles looks like?
• What does she do (daily, habitually) to develop these traits?
• During a coaching session, how are these traits manifested?
• What are some habit-creating practices to I could download and run in my life?