On Becoming a Trustworthy Coach

This Core Competency is basically how a coach can help create trust and a sense of safety for the client to enable her to open up and share what is necessary for her progress. Without trust in the coach and a conviction that she is in a safe space (safe for her) very little progress can be made as the conversations will be guarded and every comment second-guessed. I am glad that this is a core competency because I believe if a coach is not able to create trust and safety, there is no coaching. With that said let me begin by sharing how Coach Mel helped me trust him and believe I am in safe hands.

Why should I trust a man I have never met and interacted face-to-face, a man I had no idea even existed on planet Earth until just a few months ago? From a Zoom call that lasted 30 minutes to a series of WhatsApp exchanges, Coach Mel began to build trust in me. I was delighted to discover he was a fellow Malaysian and was living in the city my wife and I love most outside of Kuching. I was glad to know he was a man of faith and some of his heroes were mine too. In his WhatsApp messages he was very positive, encouraging and supportive. He went the extra mile to make it possible for me to enroll and be a Catalyst student. I saw him on LinkedIn, YouTube and in major ICF events – that helped a lot in convincing me this man was the genuine thing and not a self-declared coach or a bogus training provider. All of this in just a few weeks, enough to convince me I can trust him and I am safe with him. Here then are the FIVE things Coach Mel did to create trust and safety for me:

• Shared similarity
• Displayed competency
• Gracious acts of kindness
• Supportive words
• Belief in my potential

I must say I am impressed on how efficiently Coach Mel did this because I have a problem with trusting others as a result of some events in my childhood and in my adult working life. You may say I have trust issues. And this leads me to another point – some of your clients may have unresolved trust issues. It’s not that you are not good in building trust and safety with your client but your client has difficulty trusting (for various reasons). My difficulty in trusting others stem from the fear of losing the respect of others, being rejected and judged/punished if I opened up and shared my true self. So far I am thankful I still feel I am in a safe class and safe with the coaches instructing me. For this I am grateful. You as a coach may have clients that are like me – understanding where they are coming from, their fears and their need for a safe place will certainly help you build trust and safety for them.

In a safe place, with a trusted coach, a client will be able to finally bloom or finally clear the bin of all that smells, creating a window for change and growth. To be able to express freely knowing you will not be judged and punished helps bring to the surface issues that should and can be resolved and helps introduce new solutions that are free to be suggested without fear of rejection and ridicule. All this will certainly enable the client to create her own path towards her desired goals. Trust and safety go hand-in-hand and are two parts of a coin – you can’t have one without the other.

Though there is mention of partnering with the client to create trust and safety, I find this core competency leaning heavily on what the coach MUST DO to create trust and safety in his client. The competency focusses of the words and actions of the coach more often than not. It is the coach that serves, adapts, respects, demonstrates on behalf of the client, making it as easy as possible for the client to trust the coach and feel safe in a coaching situation. The six sub-points are excellent pointers on how a coach can do this and I must say these pointers work with almost any relationship where you are partnering with at least one other person. As a relationship counselor for unmarrieds who are in-love, I find these six pointers excellent tips for a partner seeking to become a trustworthy boyfriend/girlfriend. Good practical stuff.

Here is my take on the six sub-points as it relates to how a coach can become a trustworthy individual who creates a safe space for his client(s):

 

1. Seeks to understand the client within their context which may include their identity, environment, experiences, values and beliefs.

A coach is to make the required effort to get acquainted and familiar with the nature and significance of who the client thinks and believe they are, their physical and social surroundings that have an impact on them, what has and is happening to them that affects and contributes to the problem we are partnering to solve, the life principles they esteem and live by and what they are presently confident about and accept as true.

This would mean being curious about the client, asking lots of questions that will provide a window into all these aspects and to pick up these elements during conversations throughout the sessions. Reminder – always be curious about your client.

 

2. Demonstrates respect for the client’s identity, perceptions, style and language AND adapts one’s coaching to the client.

A coach must be able to show clearly by word and action that he has high regard and admiration for who the client is and believes she is, for her way of seeing things and interpreting her life experiences, for her distinctive manner of expressing and conducting herself and the way of speaking and register of words she selects by intentionally and willingly changing his method of interaction, plans and style of coaching so as to fit his client’s manifested personality mold.

This would mean accepting the client at face value as she is AND purposely deciding to be in awe of the person’s personality and presentation and all the while changing any aspect of my coaching that would create conflict with what the client is manifesting so as to put the client at ease. A reminder that will have to be made to self before seeing every client – be water, be flexible.

 

3. Acknowledges and respects the client’s unique talents, insights and work in the coaching process.

A coach is to recognize and make known with high regard and admiration verbally the client’s unique, creative or artistic abilities, her way of seeing things and interpreting her life experiences and the effort she makes to carry out the tasks agreed upon or assigned to her during the coaching sessions.

This would mean recognizing the client’s unique contribution and effort during the coaching sessions and any form of contribution she makes. In short be her cheerleader and praise any contribution from her in every session. Note to self – praise and celebrate every contribution from client.

 

4. Shows support, empathy and concern for the client.

In word and action, a coach is to be open to expressing a commitment to assist, to manifest an understanding and vicariously experiencing the thoughts and experiences communicated by the client, and to care and take into serious consideration the client’s condition as expressed.

This would mean having a sensitive and open heart towards the client’s situation – to be a human with a heart and helping hands. Note – don’t be a cold, heartless coach. Be human. Be a compassionate human.

 

5. Acknowledges and supports the client’s expression of feelings, perceptions, concerns, beliefs and suggestions.

A coach is to is to recognize, make known and help the client when she makes known in word and action her emotions, way of seeing things and interpreting her life experiences, what she cares deeply about, what she presently is confident about and accept as true and

In other words a client’s feedback, expression and contribution is to be recognize and encouraged as well as applauded. “Tell me more” and “I understand” and maybe “This is good” are key comments to be made during a coaching session for this trust-creating sub-point to be realized.

 

6. Demonstrates openness and transparency as a way to display vulnerability and build trust with the client.

For this sub-point a coach is encouraged to be vulnerable and this is to be showcased clearly by word and action via the ability to share his feelings, thoughts, needs and fears, without fear of judgement or repercussion to the client with the expressed intention that what is shared will assist the client in trusting the coach more.

This is a big one. To me it means at times, snippets of my life could be shared with the client to help convince the client that I have an understanding and connection with what the client is experiencing and my life snippet could help bring understanding and clarity to my client as she finds her answer. Again, I believe this is a call to be real and human when coaching – not Superman, untouched by human frailties.