Focus and Wheel of Life

It’s Christmas afternoon and I am outside my farm house typing this week’s assessment on Focus and The Wheel of Life (Web-torial 16). Another thought-provoking and potentially life-changing lesson, for both coach and client. Like all good salespeople, we should only sell products we ourselves have used, so it made sense then the focus of the lesson was on us but I believe this information is for our client’s use too finally.

The first half of the lesson was on the importance of the client keeping focus on the core issue being discussed and worked on. As a coach assisting the client to identify and acknowledge her key issue that needs attention, making this clear at the beginning for the client is important. “What do you want to focus on today?” is the vital and initial question to ask whereas “How is this related to today’s focus?” is a helpful question to reel in the client’s attention once a walk around the mulberry bush occurs.

The inability to focus on the matter at hand is usually termed a distraction and an interference to the present matter being targeted. On a recent podcast I heard, the person being interviewed drew attention to the etymology of the word ‘distraction’, stating that the opposite of it would be ‘traction’ (any action that leads you to accomplish a goal) as opposed to dis-traction (any action that leads you away from a goal). In a coaching session, traction is what we are seeking for, for our client and constantly pulling her back to the core matter at hand brings traction.

I am intrigued with the writings on Ellen Langer and she has a whole chapter on focus and distraction that I so happen to be reading presently. Here are some of her thoughts on focus and distraction which we could also incorporate as we seek to help our clients focus on the core issue:

Paying attention usually means focusing only on the matter at hand. Should our focus wander, we call it getting distracted. When we are distracted we are paying attention to something else; being distracted, in short, means otherwise attracted. When we are attracted to something else, here are some key questions to ask:

• What is so attractive about the alternative stimulus?
• What can we learn from that attraction?
• Can we add the attractive elements to the stimuli to which we want to attend?

Distractions is actually meant to provide us temporary relief from a discomfort we need to attend to. To tackle this, thinking about the problem differently may be the solution. We need to look more closely at those situations we find difficult, rather than blame distractions we opt for.

Focus becomes a problem when we try rigidly to hold an idea in mind. To pay constant, fixed attention to a thought may be a kind of oxymoron. A better approach is to notice different things about the matter at hand. This is called novelty. Changes in context or perspective leads us to notice novelty. As such the most effective way to increase our ability to pay attention is to look for the novelty within the stimulus situation

At the beginning of a coaching session, it may be good to discover what our client is presently focused on? Interestingly, we are either focused on something that can be categorized as negative or positive and never on both simultaneously. I also found it intriguing that we can select what we focus on – when this option is not utilized, our automatic mode is to focus on the negative (something to do with our primal mind and survival). Even so, I believe there is a need to focus on both the negative and positive aspects of the core matter being attended to as both sides help provide a whole and realistic perspective of the situation and possible actions that could be taken. The role of the coach is to guide the client to mentally focus on the appropriate matter to maximize awareness, understanding and solution generation.

So do we need extreme focus to attend to the core matter at hand? I do not think so. Instead we need to be open to inspecting and evaluating related perceptions, ideas and aspects of the matter being attended, constantly pulling our clients attention to consider all aspects of one matter at a time (session).

You may be wondering why I am posting this picture.

What are you focused on is what you see and can attend to.

Distractions disturbs focus.

Did you notice the animal on the chair?

We move on. Next on the menu was The Wheel Of Life, a clever invention to illustrate key areas of one’s life, helping the creator-user to visualize where she is at and where she would like to be (the GAP). It’s a simple concept of selecting several key areas in your life, scaling each section as you estimate it to be and see it visualized in a wheel format, in various (sometimes colored) blocks. An excellent starting off exercise to determine areas to pay focus on and goals to be set.

Also thankful to Google Serch for displaying a list of articles explaining how this Wheel is used in coaching and how it is a valuable and common tool in the coach’s toolbox. For record and remembrance here are the steps involved when using this Wheel as introduced by Coach Mel:

1. Select 8 most important areas in your life. On a scale to i-10, scale each of the areas in the wheel.
2. Ask: “If I focused for a year on these 8 areas, what will happen to the scaled diagram I created?”
3. When considering this, what are you observing of the marked wheel you created (trends, unexpected changes etc.)
4. Now select 3 areas for priority attention.
5. Set a timeline for this narrowed areas of focus.
6. Ask: “What are 3 immediate action steps I can take for these 3 areas?
7. Now select the one thing you could do that would make the biggest difference
8. “How desperate are you to achieve it?”
9. How about doing it in 3 months? I month?
10. “What would I have to do differently to achieve this in the time span I have given myself?”

I just love this step-by-step progression from the macro to the micro, all the time enabling the client to focus on the most important matter. It forces serious thought, evaluation and decision but once successfully acted on, would deliver the desired transformation.

Unbeknown to me, I had actually done a Wheel in November when I was considering areas in my life to focus on in 2022. I did an exercise that was to help me know where I should focus on (no mention of Wheel of Life was made). I did the questionnaire and was provided with a picture. The end. I liked the picture and kept it. Imagine my delight when I realized what I was given was a completed Wheel of Life! Now I know what to do next with the diagram.

Select 8 most important areas in your life. On a scale to i-10, scale each of the areas in the wheel.

Done

 

Ask: “If I focused for a year on these 8 areas, what will happen to the scaled diagram I created?”

Some areas remain the same, some show a slight increase and one or two show a marked increase.

 

When considering this, what are you observing of the marked wheel you created (trends, unexpected changes etc.)

Some areas are not priority presently though still important

Some areas are of concern and beg for attention

One or two areas I am thankful are in good health

 

Now select 3 areas for priority attention.

Career, Money, Health

 

Set a timeline for this narrowed areas of focus.

One year (2022)

 

Ask: “What are 3 immediate action steps I can take for these 3 areas?

Career – 1) Revive and set in order my HRDF training requirements and opportunities, 2) Plan launching career as a coach, 3) Close-shop on other odd and end ‘jobs’ I have been doing

Money – 1) insist and only do paid jobs, 2) get several paying jobs/contracts that will ensure a consistent monthly income 3) create a pool of financial supporters

Health – 1) Resume healthy eating regime used in previous years 2) work well with my doctors and have a better attitude/mindset for all my checkups, 3) resume mountain biking

 

Now select the one thing (from each area?) you could do that would make the biggest difference

“How desperate are you to achieve it?”

How about doing it in 3 months? I month?

“What would I have to do differently to achieve this in the time span I have given myself?”

I guess I will need the assistance of a coach to decide my answers for the last few questions.

 

Life .  .  . to be continued.

 

 

 

 

 

When I was studying psychology and counselling so many years ago, my lecturer repeatedly reminded us: The presenting problem is never the problem. It looks like the same mantra is applicable to coaching, especially after today’s tutorial on Human Needs and Drivers (CORE). When my client comes to me and shares his or her problem (presenting challenge) one of the things I could best do for him/her is to ask: What do you actually need? My client may not have a clue what she really needs and neither may I. As a guide and initial go-to, I am glad I was re-introduced to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs – now revised and updated as Maslow’s NEW Hierarchy of Needs – and the generally recognized and accepted six key needs of humankind.

Now when my client shares a struggle or challenge, it is wise to dig deep and help my client discover where her needs actually reside using Maslow’s Hierarchy as a guide and somewhere to peg their presenting challenge. Though the Hierarchy is in layers and seems to climax with the need for self-transcendence (sounds a bit woo-woo and leaning on to a more philosophical/spiritual slant to me), the reality is our needs rise and ebb and are usually layered, with a specific area of need taking center stage at different times. When actively listening to my client, I guess being aware of these core needs and helping my client identify which need is seeking attention would be a good start in helping my client clarify what she really needs and work towards creating actions to address the need.

It was enlightening and scary to discover what is my present center stage need as I identified what I think are my present challenges/needs and saw that they basically call attention to my need for security (actually more for my family) and a restoration of my self-esteem via accomplishment of some challenging undertaking next year. Eliminating to a large degree the fear of lack and its consequences and the desire to prove myself by doing something new and challenging are definitely two areas of significance presently in my life and it was all exposed just by using Maslow’s Hierarchy. I wonder what will be exposed for my client, for her good, when we try to discover what needs are actually screaming to be met.

Next was a revisit to a seen but forgotten concept by Anthony Robbins (love his work and been a fan of his teachings for years) – the 6 Human Drivers which takes a different yet interlinked view of human needs presented by Maslow. I love the way the six drivers were presented via pictures and then the explanation that followed. Maslow revealed my needs and Robbins revealed the drive (the motivation) behind these needs. So not only do we have needs we seek to meet, we have drivers within us, conditions of life that spur us to take action. After teaching motivation for so long, it is refreshing and exciting to be reminded of these six intrinsic drivers we all have and that at certain times in our lives serve as the driving force for almost all our actions.

Again, all six drives do affect us but depending on the present context of my client, one of them may be the motivating force at the moment (which when identified will help shed light on the why and also the how related to my client’s challenge). Which of these six drivers is presently needed and drives my client to action? Haven’t figured out how actually these drivers will be introduced to my client and how to assist her in discovering the main driver in her life. Also wondering how all this information will be used to help my client bridge the GAP.

Was glad for the exercise during the web-torial that helped me see my desire for Significance is my present driver (no surprise here!). I remember in my early twenties devouring a book by McGee on Significance, struggling and finally dropping any intention to actively seek significance as the years progressed. It was amusing to discover deep inside I still yearn to be recognized, seen, heard and acknowledged. Hmm. Now to figure out how all this ties in with my present struggles and discouragement and what hope it offers. Thanks Robbins and Coach Mel for shining the light on this driving force/need in my life.

We then progressed to Tim Gallwey’s Inner Game concept, in particular the power of the inner voice and specifically the inner critical voice in opposition to the subconscious mind that is encouraging, positive and is our true self. I didn’t quite ‘get-it’ and may have to read Gallwey’s book to increase my understanding. For now, I believe that I need to be aware that my client (and I) struggle with an inner critic that interferes with her awareness and ability to acknowledge her needs and drives and create transforming action steps for her life.

I love the four questions we were given by Coach Mel to answer as we look at our own presenting challenges. They sting and challenge but also inspire and shed light on where we are presently stuck (great questions to ponder as we enter 2022). Here are the four questions:

What obstacles hold you back?

What lies are you telling your self?

What insights are you resisting to learn?

What strategies do I need to create to minimize interference?

As we came to the end of our lesson, I realized I had a lot to digest and in a way had just been coached by Coach Mel on what I will need to pay attention to and be aware of if I were to see my performance improve. As I reflect on 2021 and dream for 2022, I may need to steady myself and allow imagined ideal outcomes for 2022 to flood my mind, working hard to stem the tide of interferences (critical, demeaning inner voice) so that I have something to work towards. Identifying options, being aware of myself and my situation and embracing challenges 2022 will bring if I choose to pursue the imagined ideal outcomes looks like the bee’s nest I must hit hard if I want the sweet honey it offers.

With the need for restored esteem and driven for significance, I wonder what am I capable of?

 

Unpacking FLOW5 C.O.A.C.H.

I felt I was participating in a Zen-like meditation session where the focus was on ‘flow’ and the imagery constructed to facilitate this inner focus was of a flowing peaceful stream in contrast to the fast flowing rapids the stream flows into. No stranger to streams and rivers (I live in the land of rivers) this image and the associated lessons were rather easily comprehended. What lost me was how ‘flow’ and ‘stream’ was connected to coaching and then to the C.O.A.C.H Process. So here’s what I did formulate in my mind to make sense of the surreal tutorial.

The lesson I think I was to catch is that the coaching I offer is akin to a slow flowing peaceful stream, a place and time for my client to come aside to relax and contemplate, to be silent and hear her voice within as she steers intentionally into my quiet stream from the fast flowing rapids she battles in her journey up the river of life, working hard not to drown and yearning for a pit stop. The coaching I offer seems remarkably identical to the ‘quiet streams’ King David says his Lord leads him to in the famous Psalms 24 description of God as a good shepherd (thanks Coach Sanjiv for the thought).

This picture brings back memories of younger days when I use to go up the mighty Rajang River to the last human outpost, Belaga that required us to pass through the infamous Pelagus Rapids, famous for its treacherous path and annual death toll from capsized longboats. So maybe the life experience of my client is akin to someone shooting the Pelagus Rapids to reach Belaga. It makes sense and there’s so much similarity with life’s challenges and consequences to unpack from this. But we will not go there. Suffice to say our client is shooting the rapids and needs to time out.

And that’s where the stream comes in. Isn’t it strange and amazing that streams are connected to rapids and all you need to do is get out of the mainstream and swing into one of these many side streams for a break? The pebble carpeted banks and the soothing slow moving, crystal clear water invites rest and calm, long talks and deep meditation. So much like a coaching session where the clients gets to shut the door and shut out the noise and demands of life for a moment. A moment to breathe in, calm down, reflect, refocus and rediscover what is needed.

After business is done in Belaga, a picnic at one of the nearby streams is usually arranged. A time to rest and frolic in the water, to eat native food and wild boar barbequed between river rocks laid out to contain the burning driftwood. A lot of heart-to-heart discussions takes place here as well as quiet reflections on what had just transpired in town. So yes, I see how a coaching session can be likened to a stopover at a quiet stream before heading out into the rapids again.

With all that said and done, I think there was a shift in the use of this metaphor when the question “How do you flow?” was thrown in at the beginning and brought up occasionally. Here I felt the whole intention was to enable us to associate times when we are in a ‘state of flow’ to what we are to perceive and expect of ourselves as coaches when conducting a coaching session.

Other than what a river or stream does, the word ‘flow’ when used in work related situations always draws my mind to the Theory of Flow popularized by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi who introduced this theory in the 1970s based on research examining people who did activities for pleasure, even when they were not rewarded with money or fame. He was surprised to discover that enjoyment did not result from relaxing or living without stress, but that during these activities their attention was fully absorbed. He called this state flow, because during his research, people illustrated their intense experiences using the metaphor of being carried by a current like a river flows.

With this in mind, I wonder if another takeaway from the tutorial is that my coaching sessions should ‘flow’ for me – I find pleasure in what I am doing and my attention is fully absorbed in my client, creating an intense pleasurable experience albeit being carried in a river flow. Participants in Csikszentmihalyi experiments were motivated by the quality of the experience they had while they were engaged in the activity. The flow experience came when the activity was difficult and involved risk. It usually stretched the person's capacity and provided a challenge to his/her skills. If so, then aiming to have ‘flow’ in a coaching session is indeed a beneficial aspiration, something to look forward to as it would enable me (and my client) have quality experiences while stretching my capacity as a coach. Wow, what a ‘flow’!

And that’s my two-cents on flow.

The second part of the tutorial was the introduction to a five stage coaching process model cleverly termed C.O.A.C.H (still trying to see how flow is related to this model other than that the five stages flows from one to another and it’s a slow process, very much the speed a quiet stream flows; no rushed job here). I personally am happy to have a model as a guide, something to help me know where I am in the coaching session and what most probably would be next. It also could be used as a checklist, both before and after a session, to help me prepare and process what took place.

As this is just the introduction of the five stages, we did not go deep into each nor do I have much to comment about it other than to say I look forward how each stage is unpacked and how the many ideas, theories and pointers attached to each segment of C.O.A.C.H. will be introduced and explained in detail. Let the lessons begin.