Know Your Label, Identify Your Function

“Who are you?”

“What do you do?”

These two important life questions seems to be the focus of this week’s lesson titled Coaching 101. To provide the answer for the eager aspiring wannabe coaches, several exercises were conducted to assist them to discover what a coach is and what a coach does by comparing the differences between coaching, mentoring and counseling.

To begin, I must say that it is clear all three modalities have many common features (thus at times confusing the inquirer), something cleverly highlighted by the four pictures of persons in conversation at the beginning of the lesson. Here then are some ways these practices overlap:

• Relies on communication (conversation)
• Interpersonal sensitivity and relationship important
• All are helping professions focusing on the client’s well being
• Seeks to improve human performance
• Provides direction and solutions (directly or indirectly)

I believe these different modalities exist because they seek to provide assistance for different aspects of human wellness and achievement, useful in different situations, goals and needs. A different hat for a different occasion. As such, it also makes sense that each practice has its own distinct differences and benefits.

Knowing these differences apparently is very important for a coach as a failure to know when she is doing what, could lead to legal complications! Let me explain. The International Coach Federation (ICF) is exceptionally mindful in creating a clear delineation between coaching and counseling, giving this warning to all coaches: “No coach should ever provide unlicensed counseling.” Instead, coachees who seem to require counseling must be referred to a licensed health professional.

To add to the mud-clear differences of each practice, it seems that there is no agreed standard agreement concerning what each modality can or cannot do and what are the clear cut characteristics they possess. In other words, when addressing the differences between coaching, mentoring and counseling, we might not all be on the same page.

After saying that, here’s my take on what is coaching, mentoring and counseling – the differences and benefits of each beautiful human assistance model.

 COACHING

“Coaching is partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential” – the official ICF definition.

Coaching is a collaborative effort where the agenda and change process is co-created for the achievement of the coachee. Together, coach and coachee look for solutions and identify the coachee’s capacity for change. In other words, a coach is a human potentialist and the coachee is the wholesome human, being assisted to identify and exploit her potential of choice.

I find it interesting that a coach is not expected to have all the answers but he is expected to master the use of questions from a curious stance to clarify the coachee’s thoughts and provoke her thinking in a growth-oriented direction that she chooses.

To highlight the effectiveness of questions in assisting the coachee to be aware of possible available solutions (especially in him and around him), the Talking Circle and Coaching Circle exercises during this session was very effective.

In the Talking Circle a student’s problem was identified and solutions were offered by fellow students. The results? Lackluster response with many of the solutions either identified or applied with very little desired results. Not a very effective way in helping someone identify a solution he could use to achieve his set goal.

In the Coaching Circle, another student’s problem was highlighted and fellow students asked questions to challenge and to provoke ideas and possibilities untried. The student was more enthusiastic, excited with possibilities created by some of the questions and was overall more positive. Aah, the power of asking the right questions!

MENTORING

“A relationship between two people where the individual with more experience, knowledge, and connections is able to pass along what they have learned to a more junior individual within a certain field” – a definition from the World Education Services (WES).

A long term relationship, mentoring is usually done by a senior experienced professional who offers advice to a less experienced but developing junior. It is a common method for new employees to be absorbed into the system and to assist workers rise up the ranks quickly.

The relationship between mentor and mentee is informal and the exchange of valuable information and skills can happen in various settings. The meeting agenda is decided by the mentee as well as the development-based questions. The mentee’s common aim is to follow in the footsteps of her mentor.

Mentoring is heavily dependent on the advice given by the mentor from his personal and professional expertise, received unhindered because of the mentee’s personal familiarity and professional admiration of the mentor. The mentor is not required to have any training – his life and/or professional experience is sufficient.

This modality is development driven, seeking to equip junior/novice workers to succeed in areas the mentor is already a success in.

COUNSELING

Counseling involves “helping people with physical, emotional, and mental health issues improve their sense of well-being, alleviate feelings of distress, and resolve crises.” – a definition by American Psychological Association (APA).

Counseling follows a medical model and strict confidentiality is maintained as long as a relationship exist (even the law cannot compel counselor’s conversations with his patient).

The often long term relationship between counselor and counselee is strictly restricted to the agreed sessions usually in a specified place (counselor’s office for example).

Counseling sessions are usually retrospective with a focus on healing maladaptive behavior, recovery from trauma and relief from psychological suffering. In short, sessions are aimed at identifying cognition and psychological impact on the mental health of the counselee and prescribing solutions resulting in psychological well-being.

The counselee is s assumed to have a decreased level of personal functionary, requiring the counselor’s expertise and many years of training. As such, the counselor is required to have a Master’s degree, accepted credentials and a license to practice.

 

To sum it up and to assist those who more visual when it comes to learning and memorization, here are three diagrams to help you (and me) see the differences and benefits of coaching, mentoring and counseling.

And I just love the simplicity and content all wrapped up in this diagram that was shown during class but its a keeper.

Then, as we approached the end of this lesson, we were introduced to Dr. Marcia Reynolds and a phrase ascribed to her: Coaching is a Learning Technology. I made an effort to Google this phrase only to find it referred in passing in some of her interviews and videos but no articles specifically expanding this concept were found. But all was not loss, as our instructor for the day revealed the three components embedded in this concept, saying it revealed the three necessary skills when asking questions during a coaching session. They are:

• Ask and then listen intently to what is said by the coachee (“learn to deeply listen with no judgement”).
• Clarify what was said, all the while discerning what the coachee is actually seeking to reveal. Here intuition plays a vital role ("regulate their emotions to maintain trust”).
• Challenge the coachee to take action on solutions that were discovered while giving intense affirmation for every decision made and step taken (“use reflective inquiry to change minds for good”).

(Note: words in bracket & italic sourced from Dr Marcia’s website https://covisioning.com/about-marcia/)

I hope these three components will be expanded in upcoming lessons and its practice in the coaching exercise made clear.

But who is Dr Reynolds and why is her phrasal concept a key lesson for this session? She is the 5^th global chair of the International Coaching Federation and one of only 25 people in this world to become a Master Certified Coach! She’s a Leadership and Executive Coach and a trainer specializing in mastering coaching skills. Convinced coaching trains people to change their own minds and behavior, she was hooked. After 25 years of coaching, she wants to bring the techniques she has learnt to other coaches. Her usage of reflective inquiry I suspect is where the idea that “coaching is a learning technology” can be found. This suspicion is further strengthen by the description of her work, found in her website www.covisioning.com which describes Dr Reynolds as ‘the master of teaching others how to engage in powerful conversations that connect, influence and activate change’. Her latest international bestseller, Coach the Person, Not the Problem, is a wisdom chest on the art of asking questions. A must read! It’s no wonder Dr Reynolds has been presented as one of our models.

As I end this week’s assessment, my takeaway is:

• Be clear as mud what you do and don’t as a coach, avoiding slipping in mentoring and God forbid, counseling!
• Don’t give solutions or advice; ask questions that provoke your coachee to discover her potential within
• Brush up on the wisdom behind Dr Reynolds phrase “Coaching is a Learning Technology”. It will pay to read her books and listen to audio and visual recordings of her talks and teachings.

 

So What Is Coaching?

So what is coaching all about? For some it seems to be a partnership that seeks that help identify and release one’s potential, an assisted awakening or personal enlightenment and for others it is an act of discovery – of oneself, one’s path, one’s desired future – with a trusted companion or guru through a series of interactive communication sessions. I wonder how you would describe coaching as you understand it to be?

It seems that coaching is a unique partnership, akin to a pair of dancers, where two individuals flow freely, responding to each other’s actions, all the while having fun. What makes this partnership unique is that it’s a dance of two equals, no one seeking to one up the other or to display one’s prowess, but a desire to together move in a direction that will benefit both parties involved.

To create such a partnership, the relationship between a coach and coachee is built on trust. To be trusted with another’s inner world with all its secrets and struggles and to enter into the coachee’s world as a guiding light is both an honor and a sacred responsibility. As a coach, it is an honor to be invited to journey with my coachee, to walk with him to the edge of life and to provide the courage to take another step into brand new worlds that awaits him. As such, being a trustworthy coach and being able to honor the trust entrusted is, I believe, the holy calling and responsibility of every coach.

On this road together, the journey will have its twist and turns, for the journey of life is never a straight path. What makes it so exhilarating is taking this journey with another and together discovering all one can be, the barriers to being all one can be and the many possibilities for overcoming these barriers. Even more exciting is where these discoveries will take my coachees to - places never imagined, scary, yet providing room for endless discoveries and growth. Every long journey has its milestones – pit stops in time that peg a priceless lesson, emote feelings that so easily bubble up or a memory that is far more precious than a Kodak photograph from times past – and as a coach I have the joy of being part of this and being the cheerleader who never forgets to celebrate these small wins, because life is actually a collection of a million small victories. As a coach, I have a part in this celebration of life (note to self: learn to celebrate).

What has challenged me in being a coach is to welcome each coachee as a whole person, creative and resourceful. In short, I am to embrace my coachee as a whole, a in-good-order human being who has amazing solutions within him for overcoming the challenges he faces in becoming who he wants to be and arriving where he wants to be at. This means changing my perspective of my coachee – not as someone who is broken who needs fixing – and my role – not as the fixer, savior, and/or solution giver of my coachee but a guiding light helping my coachee discovers what’s already in him! This is just so new (even almost unbelievable) and liberating to me, to believe that as a coach I am just a light, showing my coachee where his treasures are and encouraging him to take them out and use them for his benefit and the good of others. I no longer need to think of solutions or fear failing to solve my coachee’s problems but instead I can look forward to discovering with him amazing solutions from his own treasure house!

To do this I get the opportunity to be intuitive, curious and brave. I too am presented with the opportunity to trust myself and the treasures I have within me, to bring them out to assist my coachee as I listen to my inner guiding voice. It is only when I trust my inner voice and listen to it will my coachee trust her inner voice and listen to it! Curiosity is a challenge for me as I respect other people’s boundaries and life stories, believing I have the right to know more about my coachee as and when she chooses to share her life stories with me. Even so as a coach, who has a genuine care and desire for my coachee’s growth, I know I will need to give myself permission to respectably inquire for clarification and understanding of aspects of my coachee’s past and inner life to enable me to dance better with her. This needs courage. As a coach, there will be times I will need to step up and ask the tough questions and talk about the sensitive elephant in the room as well as to prod my coachee gently forward (knowing well she may be upset or react in unwelcome ways).

A coach is a dance partner, a companion along one’s winding journey through life, who acts as a guiding light for his coachee in discovering herself and the many worlds that awaits her. It is an exhilarating journey with reasons to celebrate and be courageous. It’s walking with another in confidence and trust, expecting the best from oneself and creating the best for oneself together. Care to dance with me?