5. Embodying a Coaching MINDSET

An addition to the newly minted updated ICF Core Competency Model is A. FOUNDATION Item 2, Embodying a Coaching Mindset, is ICF’s gallant effort to flesh out the MINDSET a coach needs to have and what a coach will DO if he/she lives out actively and intentionally this mindset.

I love the word ‘mindset’ because I found it to be a liberating key when I teach on benefitting from stress and when I counsel clients using Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), both exercises focusing on creating and having a positive mindset. A simple definition for mindset would be “a set of beliefs that shape how you make sense of the world and yourself and it influences how you think, feel, and behave in any given situation.” Thus a Coaching Mindset is a set of beliefs that shape how you make sense of yourself as a coach and it influences how you think, feel, and behave in any coaching situation. It is a wholesome summary of much that has been covered so far concerning BEing a coach and what we do when coaching.

I am again thankful for the ICF team that worked hard to create this addition to the Core Competency Model and spelling out in black and white what are the beliefs embodied in this mindset and then listing eight practical ways how coaches embody – live out – these beliefs. According to ICF a Coaching Mindset is a combination of four beliefs a coach has about himself as he relates to his client/coachee: open, curious, flexible and client oriented.

Here’s my take of these four beliefs as I seek to wrap my mind around them:

Open – no reservations or judgement on anything said or selected by the client. Listen and absorb to understand, setting no boundaries for our clients. Our client is at the driver’s seat and the hand brakes are out of bounds to us. We are just there to help listen, frame, and reflect what our clients is saying so she does not drive off the road, head down a cliff or take us to where no man has ever gone before (for good reasons).

Curious – the belief that garnered a strong resistance within me as I interpreted this as requiring a coach to be inquisitive, intrusive and being a busy body. Raised up with the values ‘Don’t ask if they don’t tell’ and ‘Mind your own business', the requirement to be curious about my coachee (what is happening in her life and what she is revealing) felt wrong. Even so, input from Coach Colin and Michael helped me see that my curiosity is for the benefit of my client, to uncover and assist my client understand what she meant in order to understand her situation and solution. A question to ask myself when I seek to be curious is to ask, “For whose benefit am I asking this question?”. I also like the idea that being curious is being able to not jump to conclusions but to milk out every possible and necessary information with the request, “Tell me more”. 

What should pique my curiosity when I’m with my coachee?

• Emotions shown or mentioned
• Important and repeated words used by the coachee
• Non-verbal signals from the coachee

Flexible – not rigid with my standpoint or understanding. Flow with anything the coachee believes, suggest, and practices, fully accepting and allowing my client to be who she is and wants to be/do. I’m not there to follow my agenda but hers, not there to suggest my answers but hers, to reach her desired destination not the one I think she should be headed towards. It’s her show and I must be open and fully permitting her to run her show even if contravenes my personal standards and values (honestly, this could be a challenge). I like the idea that for every coaching session, I start with a blank page and see myself as a beginner whose agenda will be set by my client. Again, the idea that it’s the coachee driving the car. Sit down and shut up and let her drive.

Client-oriented – isn’t this just the summary of the three beliefs just mentioned? This is like the holy mantra for a coach – I need to decrease, my client needs to increase; not my will but yours (client) be done. Got it, loud and clear.

To embody these four beliefs effectively, I love the advice Coach Mel gave in the recorded webtorial: How do I embody this mindset in ALL my relationships from now on? I know from experience and my years of counselling couples that IF you are open, curious, flexible and partner-oriented, your relationship is already on the fast track towards a more loving and strong union.

To guide coaches on how to embody this mindset, ICF has listed eight actions while Catalyst suggest seven (calling them building blocks) with an obvious repetition/overlap for five of the points, two which hit me hard as something new to learn and practice to the point of having them become part of my life practice (i.e. a habit):

ICF: 2. Engages in ongoing learning and development as a coach

Catalyst: 2. Coach’s ongoing Learning and Development (L&D)

My attention was drawn to these letters L&D. Never having seen them or experienced what they stand for in my past lives, I was glad to discover it stands for Learning and Development. A quick Google search explained how it’s used in the business/corporate world but I don’t think it was how it was explained in the webtorial. So I conclude it’s just another fancy term for lifelong learning, something I strongly believe in. I was happy to hear Coach Colin make the point this does not necessarily mean amassing degrees and certificates but it’s a journey of MASTERY, a constant gathering of knowledge and learning new skills. A reminder from him I took to heart was – “Don’t say ‘I know that already’ but be open to learning something new all the time from everybody.

This means actively, purposely and joyfully INVESTING in myself. Adding education and experiences into my life to make me a wholesome coach, knowledgeable in the many branches of coaching and related fields as well as daily inputting information via books, videos, podcast etc. A lifelong student hungry for life transforming information and practices. What a way to live life! Bring it on! Yes!

Some notes on Lifelong Learning:

• Self-initiated learning focused on personal development
• A voluntary act to achieve personal fulfillment
• “it recognizes that humans have a natural drive to explore, learn and grow and encourages us to improve our own quality of life.”
• Self-taught or instruction is sought
• Includes developing new skills, activity, technology or acquiring new knowledge

 

My biggest takeaway, impact and challenge for this session was this DO:

ICF:  3. Develops an ongoing reflective practice to enhance one's coaching

Catalyst: 3. Reflective Practice.

I heard about this when I was a teacher. I was encouraged to reflect after each class but at that time I was not sold on the idea and so the exhortation went in one ear and left the other soon after but when both ICF and Catalyst insisted it’s a MUST DO, my ears perked up and I asked in class how do I practice this practice. Thanks to Pat for introducing me to the KISS Reflective Model and the next day Google introduced me to Gibbs’ Reflective Cycle and to round it up, Coach Colin introduced the idea of journaling my reflections. Got it! So now it’s time to read up, understand and practice the KISS Model and Gibbs Reflective Cycle, writing down my answers in my newly bought journal (I guess I will need more than one if this coaching career lifts off).

Some notes on the KISS Reflective Model:

This management/reflective technique Keep-Improve-Start-Stop – or KISS – provides a structure for key feedback to improve oneself with the aim to achieve success, once again using a series of powerful questions:

• Keep – What am I doing well and need to keep doing as a coach to achieve my vision?
• Improve – What am I already doing that could be improved to make me an even more efficient coach?
• Stop – What do I need to stop doing – either because it no longer contributes to my vision or is no longer effective?
• Start – What do I need to start doing that I haven’t been doing or other coaches do with a greater level of success?

 

Some notes on Gibbs’ Reflective Cycle:

One of the most famous models of reflection that leads you through six stages of exploration (guided by some helpful questions for each section):

1. Description of the experience (facts only)
2. Feelings and thoughts about the experience
3. Evaluation of the experience (good and bad)
4. Analyze to make sense of experience
5. Conclusion of what was learnt and what could have been done differently
6. Action plan – what will do in the future