The Proof Is In The Practicum

 

A fellow asked a wise man, “Which way is success?” The wise man said nothing and gestured towards a path. The man feeling elated, rushed ahead.

Splat!

The fellow returns tattered and stunned. He repeats the question and the wise man points silently in the same direction. He nods and rushes ahead again.

Splat!

When the seeker finally is able to crawl back, bloody and broken, he screams at the wise man, “No more pointing. Talk.”

Only then the wise man speaks, “Success is that way. Just a little past splat.”

Every practicum helped me experience ‘splat’ and afterwards, the lessons that followed provided another stepping stone towards being a better coach.

Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first, the lessons afterwards. – Dick Enberg

I talked a lot in earlier practicums. To cover my anxiety, I was overly enthusiastic and excited, making comments and interjecting way too much. I was reminded that the percentage of a coach speaking in each session should be less that 40% - be quick to listen and slow to speak; we have two ears and one mouth. Ok, got that.

On the same wavelength was the need for me to employ pauses when listening or commenting and to be comfortable with silence. This means no quick interjections, giving my coachee and me time to think before speaking and to allow the magic of the sacred pause to work.

On the topic of asking questions, my ‘splat’ was attaching so much explanation before and/or after a question to the point the question gets lost in the verbal packaging I wrapped it in. This then led me to ask more questions. And yes, I know – it’s one question at a time and be as simple and succinct as possible.

In my fourth practicum I recorded 32 questions asked in 30 minutes! What was I thinking? Falling back to filling pauses and explaining questions with questions, I became a question creator and not an understanding listener with a few powerful questions. Lesson learnt. Somehow I concluded and grafted into my mind that most of my questions should begin with “What” and “How” and “Why” should be avoided unless really necessary. Splat. Looks like all the question words – 5W1H – can and should be used wisely as a master question craftsman.

I realized I can be too pushy and have my client say and do as I see fit: “but you will need to talk”, “no, that’s not true” and “you said you wanted to speak about . . . so why are you speaking about . . .” were just some of my horrible comments. I realized if I am not careful, I can  easily slide into the sin of making judgement, evaluating what my coachee said. Also a big no-no.

I see the importance of reflecting what my coachee is saying by paraphrasing or summarizing her words but I still need to make these paraphrases shorter and to be as succinct as possible! Need to draw on my skills and experience as an English teacher to create short, precise summaries.

Talking about summaries, at least in two practicums I happily summarized the session at the end! Another no-no. Better strategy – get the coachee to summarize the session. Ask, “What one lesson did you learn from this session?”

Another area I realized I still need to work on is how to close a session – what to focus on, what to say at the end. For this I am listening to recordings of ‘successful’ coaches in action and (of course) reading books and articles on the subject matter.

A lesson and reminder I picked up from some of the practicums was not to analyze my coachee’s problem and determine possible solutions. Once I go down this road I become anxious, stop listening actively and often lead my clients with my questions instead of allowing my client to identify the problem and select a best-fit solution on his own.

Once introduced to Models and having created my own model, I faced a new challenge – focusing too much on the steps in the model, trying to manufacture the session to fall in line with the 5 steps of my model! Splat! So now comes the lesson – know when to FLOW with the client and when to be guided by the GUIDE model I created. A thin line indeed and one I am to master if I am to be a better coach.

One lesson offered in Practicum 3 that I have yet to grasp fully and utilize when coaching – connecting the dots. As far as I understand this requires me to be aware of key information my client has shared and to be able to see a pattern or a link that when exposed will help my client see herself and/or her challenge in a new light and shed light on possible solutions. Thankful for the many connect-the-dots activities during kindergarten – now for real life application.

In my later practicums it became obvious I often say “so” revealing a mental framework I use (often) – the cause and effect thought process – that apparently is a disservice to me when I am coaching because I am not required to analyze my client’s problem and deduct what are the effect(s) of her actions. I believe a reflective question would be a better response as well as mirroring what my coachee said that could help her conclude the effects of her done or planned action.

A significant ‘Aha’ moment happened in Practicum 4 when Coach Mel drew attention to a significant action of mine that was opposite to what a coach should aim for in a session: I worked hard and asked questions to make sure I understood the client INSTEAD of helping the client understand herself! Yes, it is not for me to understand my client and her problem but it is on me to help my client understand herself and her present situation so that she can formulate a creative and helpful response. Wow! Since this revelation I have tried my best not to bother to understand my client but work really hard to help my client understand herself and what she is presenting to me.

Coach Mel’s last challenge to me in the Exit Interview may yet be the hardest to practice. When I was a young boy, something happened and I vowed to always seek the way of least resistance and avoid any form of confrontation or conflict as much as possible. It was no surprise to discover I was an Enneagram 9 – peacemaker – who prizes peace above all else. Why am I telling you all this? No, not to excuse myself but maybe to help you see why what Coach Mel encouraged me to do (and what he says is right) is very challenging: learn to challenge your client. Challenge their ideas, choices and timelines. As a Christian, my mine immediately raced to a scene in the Jewish Temple, where mild-mannered, loving and gentle Jesus was overturning the tables selling religious paraphernalia and whipping the businessmen there. At times I may need to challenge, to overturn my client’s table and ‘whip’ my client. Or I will take a gentler approach and just push my client out of her box or unrealistic plans (did I just make a judgement?).

Is all lost for me? No, because I do have some saving grace. From the practicums it is obvious I am good in active listening, mirroring back and observant of what client says. My love for words has helped me pick out key words or phrases said or repeated by my client, enabling me to ask some powerful questions or bring understanding for my client. I also naturally fall back to metaphors when explaining an observation or when seeking to help my client understand her situation from a different perspective.

I once asked someone who had travelled with me to several places where I had speaking engagement what did he see that was consistent and good about me. To be honest, I was expecting something unique but his answer was: you can get along with anyone in any situation. This too seems to be a common comment in all my evaluations – I am casual, calm, light, and confident when speaking, making the client feel at ease and peaceful. Yup, my E9 key characteristic just pops up everywhere.

These practicums are marvelous and powerful. I learnt more and changed faster from the process than just by listening to our weekly 2-hour lessons. It was challenging and troubling at times but always beneficial.

My biggest takeaway from these practicums is that I am no way near being a good coach and what I taught about my ability to coach has been severely tested. It has helped pull down most of my idealistic dreamer ideas about myself and coaching, waking me up to a stark reality. Coaching is not a walk in the park nor is it a stream for income. Instead coaching is a skill, a responsibility and a profession worth it’s worth in gold. Would I consider being a coach if I had learnt all this before I decided to place all my bets on coaching? Most probably not. But the dye has been cast and the only way ahead is forward.

Now to establish a coaching business.

Extending Honor Within and Without

Web-torial 25 Honor Time turned out to be another zen-like session, diving deep into the concept of honor and how we receive and give honor. Lots of philosophical ideas, some ‘woo, woo’ moments and some deep inner reflections and revealing. In short, a session where we were led through the process before leading our future clients to at the end of the C.O.A.C.H process.

Celebrate Success & Honor the Man

My first and succinct takeaway was the realization that celebration focusses on an act of accomplishment but honor focusses on the person and all that he/she has that brought about the accomplishment. The success is a highpoint whereas the qualities and characteristics of the person that made that success possible is eternal and intrinsic. As a coach I not only celebrate the client’s newly arrived place or state of being but also acknowledge what he has and what has developed in him to enable the success. Personally, in this light, I find celebrating a success is a temporary fluff (though it feels really good) and honor is a solid inner strengthening that promises future successes as the client develops and uses the qualities he has and was honored for. Celebrate the accomplishment and affirm the person!

Honor and Faith

As a coach very much colored by the Christian faith, I must highlight the common occurrence and weight put on honor and its expression to god and man. The word ‘honor’ in the Bible means “to esteem, value, or have great respect.” As a baseline definition, to honor means to esteem and treat another with respect because of who they are or what they have done. To be led back to this definition blew my mind away because it really is what I understand a coach is to have for his client and to express it in the sessions especially when a client makes progress. But it goes deeper. Honor is not only to be given when a client has managed to do something; it begin on the very first session when the coach values the person for who she is and shows respect for the client’s perspectives, beliefs and even manner of speaking! How biblical!

As a coach who is a Christian, I believe I am bound to honor all my clients because the apostle Peter makes it clear I am called to honor everyone (1 Peter 2:17). The apostle Paul makes it clearer by adding what I need to do in order to honor my client – “Honor one another above yourselves” (Romans 12:10) – humility. Honoring others, however, goes against our natural instinct, which is to honor and value ourselves. It is only by being imbued with humility that we can esteem and honor our fellow man more than ourselves. So coaching not only provides me the opportunity to honor others (my clients) but also develop humility. Wow!

Honor Your Self First

‘Honoring others begin with us honoring ourselves and experiencing being honored’ was another lesson I picked up in this tutorial. This set me a thinking about how (if I do) I honor myself and how I have been honored. The feedback was not pretty to me but suggested room for necessary improvement.

But first let’s focus on the idea of honoring yourself as a pre-requisite for honoring your client. I enjoy the opinions of these two ladies and will use their quotes to launch a brief discussion on honoring one self:

“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.” – Sonya Friedman

“Honoring yourself means recognizing the significance, importance, validity, and sacredness of your own values, thoughts, beliefs, desires, life, and self”- S K Camille

Briefly, to honor oneself is to respect, admire, and appreciate yourself. Do I? have I? How does it look like when I respect, admire, and appreciate myself? Thanks to Google, I came a cross a handful of helpful articles on how I could respect myself, admire myself and appreciate myself more. Here’s a sampling.

Respect

• Forgive yourself – no beating self up for past mistakes
• Take care of yourself and your immediate space – eat, sleep and play well; clean up your room
• Accept yourself – recognizing you are human and a work in progress
• Set boundaries – protect your time and energy and build a hedge around your mind and emotions
• Check and change self-talk – would you speak the way you speak to yourself to someone you respect?

Admire

• Stop comparing yourself – what you admire in others is just an opportunity for you to develop it in you
• Reward yourself frequently – plan for it and allow you to reward yourself
• Take yourself out on a date – stop dreaming and wishing about that restaurant, show or park. Take yourself out and bless yourself!
• Honor all your feelings – be amaze at what you are able to feel and welcome each emotion excitedly
• Journal about what you admire about yourself – daily.

Appreciate

• Positive self-talk – is what you saying to your self true and loving?
• Active self-care – any action that recharges your batteries, tops up your tank and fills up your cup.
• Recognize your present value – make space for who you are at this moment without judgement but with compassion
• See your present goodness – what is good in you now?
• Count your blessings – gratitude is a great way to appreciate you and your life.

Looks like I got some work to do on honoring myself but it’s all good. I believe a good place to start is by identifying my personal values and how they are expressed in my life, values like kindness and sensitivity towards others. Indeed, it looks like to hold yourself in high esteem is rewarding and inspiring and it helps build character and integrity in me.

I’ll end this section by sharing what some learned people have to say on this subject. Therapist Lisa Neuweg, LCPC, defines it as “accepting all parts of ourselves: “the good and bad, the perfect and imperfect, the disappointments and triumphs.”  Whereas for self-acceptance and self-love coach Miri Klements it means being honest with herself and acknowledging what is true for her. It means treating herself with compassion, understanding, gentleness, acceptance and love. Well said.

Honor Others As Others Have Honored You

Lastly, an idea that didn’t settle well with me for the simple reason is was rather lacking in my life –‘How you were honored colours how you honor others’ – or in Coach Mel’s words “You extend honor from your place of honor.” To help uncover this, we were broken into pairs and asked to share about someone who showed us honor. It was a difficult question to answer. I found it extremely difficult to think of even one individual from my almost 60 years on this Earth! I finally selected my late younger brother who honored me and always stood up for me when I was attacked, especially during my years as a pastor. He also was generous and helped me out financially often.

But if how we experience being honored colors how we honor others, my place of honor within me is very small. Growing up I think I was more often pitied rather than honored (our family was the black sheep and poorest in the clan) and any honor I received as a pastor was for the office and not the person. This became rather obvious when the title/office ‘pastor’ was no longer applied to me and a rather obvious drop in level of honor shown to me was experienced. Honored for who I am? That’s a tall order and one not well met in my life. Even so, being aware of this and believing showing honor is an act of the will, coaching may just be the platform for me to practice honoring others and maybe even receive some honor.

Creative Perspective , Creative Possibilities

The web-torial began with a focus on the importance of play and fun in a coaching session with Coach Mel sharing an incident where professionals in a coaching session found it difficult to draw an image, very quickly reverting to writing words. It is good at times where a client is provided the opportunity to go into child-like mode and express what needs to be surfaced. This sort of creativity helps the client relax, be curious and be open. So far so good but I think that’s where the child-like creativity approach ended and we went deep into five models for processing a client’s mindset to enable him to get unstuck or broaden and expose his thought process to aspects yet considered but vitally important.

The Disney Method

I love this complex creativity strategy developed by Robert Dilts in 1994, that involves parallel thinking to analyze a problem, generate ideas, evaluate ideas, construct and critique a plan of action. In short it’s a model that will take in your idea, work on it thoroughly and the end product is a more realistic and possible construct with a high probability that it will work.

To use this model, those involve take turns playing 3 specific roles in the following order, focusing on a specific perspective and answering related questions:

Dreamer  - approaches presenting task in a positive and enthusiastic attitude and seeks to answer  questions such as “What would be nice?”, “What would be the optimal situation?” or “What would I wish for?” The dreamer assumes that everything is possible.

Once the idea to be focused on is identified, those involved in this process try to imagine an ideal solution without any constraints. They brainstorm all sorts of ideas to resolve the problem using divergent thinking. No criticism or judgement is allowed. Many ideas are generated and written down.

The dreamer asked questions that help describing ideas and though such as the following:

• What do we want?
• What is the solution?
• How do we imagine the solution?
• What are the benefits of applying this solution?

Realist – approaches the presenting task as a pragmatist and asks himself which materials, which knowledge, which techniques there are with which the thoughts of the dreamer can be realized. The realist is also called the doer.

Once the idea has been positively developed in the Dreamer stage, the team then takes a practical, constructive mindset. The ideas are reviewed to select the best to which  they work it up into a project plan with costs, timescales, risks and benefits.

This stage includes questions such as the following:

• How can we apply this idea in reality?
• What is the action plan to apply the idea?
• What is the timeline to apply this idea?
• How to evaluate the idea?

Critic - approaches the task by challenging the approaches of the dreamer and the realist by identifying opportunities and risks, pointing out limits and gaps, and expressing constructive and always positive criticism. The critic helps to identify possible sources of error.

Lastly the plan is the plan is placed in the hands of the Critic in order to identify problems, obstacles and risks. They are not negative or cynical but critical and constructive. Their objective is to spot the issues with the plan and to make it better.

In this stage, questions asked could be as follows:

• What could be wrong with the idea?
• What is missing?
• Why cannot we apply it?
• What are the weaknesses in the plan?

I just love this method for it enables my client and I to dissect a dream or plan thoroughly and build it to be a wholistic plan that has covered some key bases and is more pragmatic. Here is how it could look like when my dream of running a private hideaway in my farm is put through Disney's method:

Maxwell’s Dream Test

A huge fan of John Maxwell, I was delighted to be introduced to the 10 Questions Maxwell introduced in his book Put Your Dream To The Test, written to help answer the question: I’ve got a dream. How can I know my odds are good for achieving it? He believes if we really explore each question, examine ourselves honestly and answer yes to all the questions, the odds are very good.

Here they are:

1. The Ownership Question: Is my dream really my dream?
2. The Clarity Question: Do I clearly see my dream?
3. The Reality Question: Am I depending on factors within my control to achieve my dream?
4. The Passion Question: Does my dream compel me to follow it?
5. The Pathway Question: Do I have a strategy to reach my dream?
6. The People Question: Have I included the people I need to realize my dream?
7. The Cost Question: Am I willing to pay the price for my dream?
8. The Tenacity Question: Am I moving closer to my dream?
9. The Fulfillment Question: Does working toward my dream bring satisfaction?
10. The Significance Question: Does my dream benefit others?

If I am coaching a client seeking to reach a dream (which I am aiming to do) these 10 questions are heaven sent, showing me where to focus, giving me ideas and guiding me in guiding my client to realizing her dreams(s). but the test is in the pudding and I should eat my own medicine. So here are my answers for my private hideaway dream as I let Maxwell question it:

1. The Ownership Question: Is my dream really my dream? Yes it is.
2. The Clarity Question: Do I clearly see my dream? Could be clearer.
3. The Reality Question: Am I depending on factors within my control to achieve my dream? Haven’t thought about this . . .
4. The Passion Question: Does my dream compel me to follow it? More like a gentle, consistent push.
5. The Pathway Question: Do I have a strategy to reach my dream? No
6. The People Question: Have I included the people I need to realize my dream? Yes
7. The Cost Question: Am I willing to pay the price for my dream? 60%-70%
8. The Tenacity Question: Am I moving closer to my dream? Inching very slowly
9. The Fulfillment Question: Does working toward my dream bring satisfaction? Yes
10. The Significance Question: Does my dream benefit others? Yes

 

Circle Of Concern

I must say this method sort of stumped me and I struggle to make sense of it and see how I could apply it as a creative method when coaching someone. Here’s what I made out of what Coach Mel shared and what I read up on:

This model works best when the focus is on a present challenge and there is a need by my client to be in control. 

The model helps the client see that that she does not need to be in control of all the parts nor can she be in control. 

Even so there are areas she can have an influence over. 

This model also helps my client see what are the possible opportunities (areas she is in control of)

The idea is to steer the area of focus away from concerns outside our influence, so that we don’t fall into the space of accusing, blaming, and victimization.  

Popularized by Stephen Covey, this model presents three spheres: 

• The Circle of Concern – the many worries the client might have
• The Circle of Influence – focusing on what the client can do something about – either directly or indirectly
• The Circle of Control – an even smaller circle, representing the things the client can actually directly do something about

Human beings can choose where they focus their energy and attention. If we focus on the concerns outside our influence, we risk increasing our stress and falling into the space of accusing, blaming, and victimization. By choosing to focus on the circle of influence – we move into a more proactive space and take steps that make a positive difference. In short, using this model helps limit wasteful rumination and inaction, altering thinking to improve productivity, see possibilities to progress and achievement, and also to build resilience. Nice.

The Power of ‘Instead’

Just by using the adverb ‘instead’ in the form of a question, the coach gives the client an opportunity to consider alternatives and reveal what she really wants to say, feel or do. Here are questions Coach Mel introduced which I am certain to use in the future:

• What do you want instead of __________ ?
• What do you want to be/feel/do/say instead?
• Where do you want to be heading instead?

Superhero T.E.A

I like this creative tool as it helps the client take on an alter ego and see himself in the light of someone more able. This removes the excuse of ‘I am not ________ enough’ and gives the client the freedom to imagine herself with the qualities/power of the selected and appropriate superhero (real or fictional). For this method, questions could be as follows:

• What if you could ______ like _______?
• If you were _______, what would you do/say/feel in this situation? 
  

Another web-torial, another collection of power tools to use in my endeavor to assist my client face and deal with the challenges and possibilities she faces as she journeys towards her desired goal(s) in life. Tools to help create a more wholesome solution, to clarify the way ahead and to open up possibilities. Wonderful!

Life Without T.E.A? Impossible!

I love tea and for a season used to collect different types of teas. To enjoy tea three important elements are needed – good tea leaves, hot water at the right temperature and the correct cup. One of the small joys of life is indeed a cup of tea. I thought it was clever (why didn’t I think of it?) that the three elements that make up life can be cleverly expressed in the acronym TEA. Life without T.E.A.? Impossible! This is my unshakeable conviction – all we are and do is a constant relationship and output as Thoughts, Emotions and Actions interact under the radar every moment of our lives.

This conviction was established many years ago as I worked to deal with my destructive manifestation of anger and my unplanned but so welcomed stumble upon Positive Psychology. In a nutshell, I discovered that emotions are signals, sending messages to us to raise awareness on a matter and to encourage specific action(s). In my case my emotion of anger was calling attention to certain expectations I had on my wife and a childhood trauma that was left unattended. It was time then to dig deep into what I was believing and demanding (especially from my wife). After getting over the surprised of what I actually was believing and expecting, I made the decision to drop my demands and to create new beliefs. And yes, when these changes took effect, my dangerous actions almost all disappeared. It was hot scalding T.E.A. but when contained and managed well, what was meant for evil became a blessing. The genesis of my Emotional Management course is from this hot cup of T.E.A I experienced so many years ago.

It was therefore with joy and relief to see and hear Coach Mel introduce T.E.A and how he so well brought our focus to the central role our thoughts, emotions and actions play in all our life situations, even in the lives of our clients. Yes, to go deep, I believe a coach just has to pay closer attention to the T.E.A. our clients share intentionally or through their words and stories. Indeed, there is a relationship between thoughts, feelings and behaviors– changing one of the parts would have an effect on any the others. If we are in the business of helping our clients change in order to arrive at their desired destination, having times mulling over our client’s T.E.A is a must.

You Are What You Think

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), a thought is an image, idea, opinion or any other product of a cognitive behavior in which hypothetical elements of thought are experienced or manipulated. Something else in the given description by APA caught my attention – thoughts are covert, not directly observable but must be inferred from actions or self-reports. In other words, what you do and say reveal what your thoughts. In my Emotion Management counselling sessions, I pay close attention to how my client talks about what has happened or what was done. I guess I will now transfer these skills to coaching armed with an array of powerful questions provided in this sessions pdf to help my client reveal his thoughts as he answers the questions laid before him.

Change begins from within and unless our thinking isn’t addressed, the driver behind why we feel and act in a certain way will continue to steer us a way from our desired destination. We must change the attention of our thoughts because what we think influences how we behave and what we feel. This means that most, if not all, of our problems we experience is nothing more than a thinking problem. The ‘real problem’ is how we think about our problem. The ‘real answer’ then is in examining our present thoughts, evaluating them, modifying or creating new thoughts that are endlessly fed through your mind. This awareness and modification can be accelerated in a coaching session with the right questions.

I’ll end this segment on thoughts with a quote from author and NLP master trainer Michael Neill:

It is not the thoughts that pass your head that impact your life; it’s the one you take possession of and think about all day long. Once we agree to give our attention to a thought, it becomes more and more real to us over time and has more and more power over our life.”

It’s My Emotions Calling Again

As mentioned in our pdf notes, and I agree wholeheartedly is the view that our emotions appraise and summarize an experience and inform us of our corresponding actions. With this in mind, coaches can accept emotions (especially the ones expressed by their clients) as assistants in the coaching process, highlighting inner conflict or incongruence with what is known and what is to be done, especially when it comes to change. When coaching for change, pay special attention to the emotion(s) the client experiences as they signal inner activity in the mind and heart of your client.

Author Ron Edmonson highlights seven possible emotional responses to change. Being aware of these emotions can help you better coach your client through change. Here are the seven emotions:

• Fear – change leads you into the unknown
• Grief – something significant is losts or left behind in change
• Enthusiasm – a helpful emotion most of the time when change is pursued but in a group context it my cause friction
• Anger – long-held beliefs or unconscious beliefs can be challenged when change happens
• Confusion – change takes us to new places and leave us feeling unsure of what to do
• Loneliness – change may take us away from people and a sense of emptiness results
• Sadness – separation of relationships and routines can create a profound sense of sadness
• Numbness – especially when change happens fast, people don’t even know how to feel or haven’t caught up with their feelings.

Next time when your client is in the midst of change, watch for and find ways to acknowledge these emotions and listen to what each emotion is signaling as well as the corresponding action(s) it is suggesting. Just remember, where there is change, there are emotions and they are there to help if properly responded to.

Your Actions Speak Louder

Commenting on the phrase above, Collins Dictionary says that if this phrase is used, you mean people’s actions show their real attitude, rather than what they say. This expression is said to be used to encourage positive actions. This phrase, and many similar ones, reveal what we already know – a person’s true character and identity is often reveal my their honest, unbridled, repetitive action even if something different is confessed or shouted repeatedly!

“What did you do?” followed by “What does this tell others about you?” can be two powerful questions to help your client realize what message she is actually sending out and what may need to be changed. Repentance in the Bible is not the act of saying you are sorry but the consistent deliberate new action taken to reveal a change in heart and/or identity. Jesus words - ‘You shall know a tree by its fruit’ and ‘So produce fruit that is consistent with repentance [demonstrating new behavior that proves a change of heart, and a conscious decision to turn away from sin]’ – highlight the principle that new actions reveal change has happened. In leading our clients towards change, a change in behavior that is consistent is a good sign change has happened.

What can be done to bring about a change in action? The obvious answer is to change your belief and hinge it on an emotion that is desirable. When helping a client change, these two elements must be in the change equation – a modified or new belief and an accompanying desirable emotion. Questions like “What would you believe in order to encourage this desired action?” and “How would you feel once you act in this new way?” could help put your client on the right path for change, seen clearly via new actions.

For change to happen, your client may also need the following encouragers:

• An example – “Who has done what you want to do?”
• A goal – “What one thing could you do today to bring you closer to your desired action?”
• Feedback – “How can I know what you have done?”
• Habit – “What can you perform often enough to be a habit that supports your desired action?”
• Ease –“How can you make doing this action easier?”
• Peer pressure – “Who can you partner with to develop this action together?”

A cup of tea at the end of the day allows you to unwind, reflect and plan for a better tomorrow. Taking time with your client to reflect on her Thoughts, Emotions and Actions almost always will enable her to plan her way ahead, a way to be who she desires and to do what she aspires. Don’t forget to have a T.E.A session with your clients who want to change.

 

 

 

 

PETER'S COACHING MODEL

Alright, here we are at Module 19 – Create Your Coaching Model. Oh wow, how scary! How exciting! Not only do I not need to use any one of the already existing Coaching Models (though I could and they are all fantastic), I get to create my own Coaching Model, a model I align with and it aligns back to who I am and what I represent! Like I said, scary yet exciting!

Thanks Coach Mel for giving us during the web-torial a Four Step Guide on How to Create Your Model but a thousand apologies for not using it. Instead, here is how I have gone about trying to form my own Coaching Model.

I began by imagining what I would do if I was coaching someone (who this niche someone, my Avatar, she is still rather vague though some options are forming in my mind). What are the steps I would take her through? What would my coaching process cover? I tried my best to use the existing, renowned and often referred to Coaching Models such as GROW, FUEL, and OSCAR to guide me when it came to key bases to cover, common keywords and basic, powerful questions to use. I also tried to incorporate all that we have learnt so far especially ICF’s Core Competencies, making sure they could be slotted into my soon-to-be created model.

As my ideas formed and steps became clear, I was glad to see a five-step process forming, similar to existing models yet representing what I remembered, understood and would want to use if I was coaching someone. I threw down key ideas and any questions I would probably ask my client in each step of the process. Soon my five columns were filled with scribbled words and questions, lending a picture of how my Coaching Model would look like.

If I were to coach someone, this is how I would go about doing it.

I often begin by asking, “What do you want to achieve in this session?” because I love knowing why my client is seeing me and what she wants to see happening at the end of the session. In other words, what’s the purpose of the coaching session. The client and I need to be clear on this matter at the very beginning. Similar questions I would ask include, “At the end of the session what do you want to see happen?”, “What is your desired outcome for this session?”, “What do you want to address (look into, solve, change)?” and “Why are you here?”. I finally settled on Goal Creating as the title for this first step, where my aim is to help the client and I be clear where she wants to Go and what she wants to Get from the coaching session.

Once this is clear I think it is vital my client and I understand her present situation, to know what she is experiencing today which has led her to seek my assistance. I need to understand the context she is presently in and the where the problem is housed in.  Some questions I may ask are, “What is encouraging you to create this goal?”, “How are you presently?”, “What has happened to cause the need for this goal?”, “Tell me more about your current situation” and “Is this a common or repeated experience?”. For this step in my coaching process, I entitled it Understanding the Present Situation, aiming at this stage to uncover and understand the backstory, context and possible contributors for my client’s condition.

So now I know where my client’s at. Next, I want to know where my client would like to be, what she wants to see happen or experience in her life. At this stage it is important my client and I are clear as to what the desired outcome looks and feels like. Key questions would include, “When your goal is achieved, how would your life look like?”, “What would be different?”, “What would happen when your goal is achieved?” and “Describe your future life after you discovered your solution and experienced success.” The finally settled for Imagined Desired Future as the name for the third step in my coaching process, aimed at identifying the client’s desired outcome after the coaching is over.

The fourth step has been heralded as the most important in many of the other models – deciding on a solution, creating a plan and taking necessary action to realize it. Here I imagine myself challenging my client to bring out options (possibilities) on how she could and want to address her challenge or situation, believing that the answer is already available in the coachee. After alternative courses of action have been identified, my client will be encouraged select one she is mot able to do and would like to do. Then it’s identifying the steps to be taken, the resources need and the people who will be able to assist her along the way. Possible questions for this segment would be, “What do you need to do?”, “What could you do to execute this idea?”, “What do you need to get to make this plan work?”, “Who do you know who could help you?” and “What will you do today?”. For this segment, I titled it Doing What’s Needed with the main purpose of identifying possible actions, selecting one and then doing it.

Lastly, when my client begins to do what has been planned and agreed upon, it is so necessary for an accountability mechanism to be set in place to ensure what is agreed upon gets worked upon until completion. Milestones need to be identified, a timeline to monitor progress and to see what’s next and ahead. Lastly, plans for celebrating key successes will be good to be set in place. Together with my client, ways to measure success needs to be identified and/or created, some form of assessment and reporting back would be good to have in place too. If this is successfully created and implemented, then sharing the journey towards the client’s success, making necessary tweaks along the way and ensuring sustained actions to make the imagined outcome a reality. Questions here would include “What are the key indicators of your progress?”, “How long would it take?”, “How would you like to celebrate each key milestone reached?”, “Who will you have as your accountability partner?”, and “How would I know of your progress?’. What shall I call this section? Maybe Evaluate and Encourage Progress and the aim is to ensure accountability and progress worthy of celebration.

So, what do we have? What cute and comprehensive acronym can I create to represent these five steps, making easy for me to remember and explain and for my client and I to use to guide us along our coaching experience?

I initially hoped my acronym would be SHINE or LIGHT as that is how I see myself as a coach – shining a light into the darkness of my client’s mind and world, helping her see her situation and her solution that is in her. I wish to be a guiding light, enabling my client to see the path she selects/creates and to move boldly forward. I see myself as a companion in her journey from her preset situation to her desired destination, shining the torchlight along the way. Alas, I reached many dead ends trying to make my five-step process fit either one of these acronyms. 

But all is not lost. I believe the key words for each of the five segments I identified can create another acronym that carries a message or theme similar to SHINE or LIGHT. This would be GUIDE!

Goal Creating – Go where, Get what? “What do you want?”

Understand Situation –
aware of current condition. “What is your present situation?”

Imagined Future – clear picture of desired future. “What do you want to see happen?”

Do the Work – actions to be taken. “What will you do?”

Evaluate and Encourage Progress – installing accountability and celebration. “What have you done?”

I like the acronym GUIDE because some aspects of this word in its original meaning covers what I see myself as and see myself doing when coaching a client using this newly minted model. I understand and interpret ‘guide’ here much in the context of the function of a lighthouse which helps guide a ship safely to port at night or during a storm as well as signal potential dangers along the way. In the same way, my client is the master of her own ship and may have a desired destination. Even so, she may be facing difficulty reaching that destination because of storms in her life (emotional, social, financial etc.) or is in the dark of her situation or how to go from A to B. As a coach, I see myself guiding her to her desired port, helping her navigate her life while raising awareness of potential challenges and conditions (internal and external) so that she is able to arrive safely and successfully.

As such I believe GUIDE is a suitable acronym to represent my coaching process and style and reflect its function as well as how I see myself as a coach.

SEVERAL WEEKS LATER . . .

After submitting my idea to Coach Mel and the other coaches, as well as my teammates, I got back some vital and constructive feedback and back to the drawing board I went to correct and improve on my original albeit draft model. A big thank you to Coach Mel who challenged me to discover what were my real intentions behind each acronym and to Coach Wendy for insights on my questions. In the end this was what I came up with:

Using this table as my guide, I went to Canva, got a free template and created my very own coaching model infographic for GUIDE!

 

What Are Your Strengths? What Are Your Weaknesses?

Many years ago, I came across a book by Marcus Buckingham that cemented the idea that I would be better off focusing and maximizing my strengths instead of fussing about and fixing my weaknesses. I was glad to learn from Web-torial 22 that coaching is also a strength focused service that seeks to help the coachee access their potential through their capabilities and strengths. But what is a strength? Allow me to share some insights from Marcus Buckingham on this topic:

A strength is not what you are good at, and a weakness is not what you are bad at. A strength is an activity that strengthens you. It draws you in, it makes time fly by while you’re doing it, and it makes you feel strong. Based on this understanding, the coachee then is the most qualified to recognize and identify his strengths. It also means everyone has strengths and they are as unique and diverse as the person owning them.

The flip side of a strength based coaching approach is a fixing-issues coaching style which I believe could lend itself to seeking problems to solve and come close to elements of counselling and/or therapy, something we would not want to do in our coaching sessions. Coaching is forward focused and when we pay attention to our coachee’s strengths, discovering ways ahead and uncovering potential possibilities becomes easier and exciting. Progress then becomes possible and our clients are more optimistic in creating and executing their action plans based on their strengths. In short, “Connect with Strengths and the Right Commitment of Actions follow.”

There seems to be an array of methods one could use to discover one’s strengths, from a simple series of interviews with people close to us to personal reflection exercises to taking some serious and scientifically proven strength identification tests. Concerning the last method mentioned, Gallup’s Clifton StrengthsFinder™ seems to be a clear favorite and a good place to begin. I have yet to wrap my brain around how this assessment will help me and my client achieve our goals and be our best but a visit to the Gallup website provides convincing and exciting information to address my doubts. Also, I believe the USD 49.99 investment would clear most of my doubts (but that’s for another day).

Here’s what the Gallup website has to say about this strength assessment. It is the way to

• discover what you naturally do best
• learn how to develop your greatest talents into strengths
• use your personalized results and reports to maximize your potential

It only takes 177 questions to uncover the one true you. But it takes commitment to become the best you. Complete the CliftonStrengths assessment to unlock the personalized reports and resources you need to maximize your potential. Your customized CliftonStrengths reports and guides help you chart your course to accomplish great things using the true north of what you naturally do best. The results, presented in statements explain exactly how each of your Signature Themes makes you stand out in the world. The pinpoint accuracy will leave you inspired and empowered with a newfound self-awareness. What I love most is the acknowledgement that with the help of a coach, guided by the assessment results, a coachee will be able to unlock her potential and succeed in every facet of life. Looks like another great tool to have in my coaching toolbox!

So, what is the use (to the coachee) in knowing her strengths? I am thankful to have the following guide provided in the lesson’s pdf download:

Ask the coachee to reflect on her strengths. Here are some of the questions I liked:

• What surprised you? What delighted you? What frustrated you
• What strengths may help in overcoming weaknesses?
• Where might strengths be overdone?
• How can these strengths be used to reach your goal(s)?

Ask coachee to review and reflect on key strengths daily. This is to raise awareness about her daily expressions of her strengths. Here are some questions to ask:

• What can you do to amplify your strengths?
• How can you use your strengths in order to achieve a goal?

Ask coachee to write a Personal Strength Statement. This is to energize the coachee and to help her work best utilizing her strengths to the maximum.

 The icing on the cake for this web-torial came at the end when we were all left amazed and awed with Daniel Ofman’s Core Quadrant®. It just showed up and exposed who we are and all that we are encountering daily plus the pointers where we can change to maximize success. All in four squares! Indeed, the notes for this quadrant sums it well: it helps them do a Deeper Dive into the complexity of their Strengths, exploring the extremes and opposites of each core quality.

Here’s a summary of the four quadrants:

1. Core quality: a recognized, foundational strength a the client — something widely understood and appreciated as valuable.
2. Pitfall: it’s always possible to have too much of a good thing; this is when a core quality is overused and comes across as an over-strength.
3. Challenge: If we build awareness about the pitfall then we can gain insight into the client’s required adaptive behavior that would be worthwhile to have in order to avoid succumbing to the pitfall.
4. Allergy: the client may feel an aversion to the new behavior (Challenge) if it feels too much the opposite of the core quality or when it is seen in others. 

What I like about this model is it helps me/client identify very quickly two key areas we can work on after identifying a key strength (maybe from the Clifton Assessment):

• My Challenge: a positive quality that I should aim to achieve. A good question to ask would be "What do others wish you had more of"?
• My Allergy: the extreme of my Challenge that I notice in others. A good question to ask would be "What do you despise in others"?

These are two areas when identified and responded properly can bring much change in attitude, behavior, communication and relationships. A great too for self-awareness and self-transformation that begins with identifying my strengths. I also love the questions that could be asked for each quadrant, all helpful in raising awareness and deciding further action.

Looking forward for opportunities to use these amazing tools/methods in the coming days as a coach!

It is one thing to believe a certain medicine works and precribe it to others and it's another thing altogether when you take the same medicine you are precribing to others. thanks Coach Mel for the question and here's a snapshot of Ohman's Quadrant when applied to me.

What am I realizing when I place my Strengths into the Quadrant? Here are some insights:

Strength (Core Quality: TALKATIVE - yes I love to talk, to teach, to explain. I feel excited and comfortable whenever I get a chance to speak. I appreciate this strength and do expect others to be more communicative.

Pitfall: RAMBLING - I can just go on and on, explaining, telling stories, filling up time. A common comment is "Once he starts talking it's difficult for him to stop." I tend to justify myself when I talk to much or hog the conversation.

Challenge: CONCISE - To be clear what needs to be said, say only it and then shut up. It's a strength I admire in speakers I admire and something I sometimes wonder I could improve on.

Allergy: AMBIGUOUS - just can't stand people who when speak are neither here or there, their ideas are all over the place and I have no idea what they are actually trying to say. It is something I would need to consider and determine a more positive response.

 

 

 

 

 

Neurological Levels And Coaching

An early NLP model that offers so much in terms of executing change and identifying areas for focus when seeking to get unstuck. That was my initial conclusion as I bombarded myself with YouTube videos and articles on Neurological Levels to catchup on Web-torial 21 that I was not able to attend.

Usually presented as a pyramid, it could be used for personal development and to describe the change processes we experience with a focus on goal achievement and personal development. I just love the potential assistance this model offers. The concept of levels – stages where we are at or could be – helps pinpoint where to focus when seeking change and what areas to work on as we endeavor to develop and move on in the pursuit of our goals.

In short, every goal you want to achieve or a problem in your life bothering you is within one of these levels. Once we understand this model, we can use it to understand where our problem is at and use the different levels in order to solve it.

Related to a core practice in coaching, each level has a set of questions, each specific to that level. Once a present level is identified, as a coach I can then proceed to ask related questions suitable to that level or a level up (especially when seeking to get unstuck or see progress). It’s exciting to see how this NLP model ties in with a key coaching practice (asking powerful questions).

Levels Explained Briefly

Here are the six levels commonly presented and briefly explained. As a side note it is interesting to note that in general higher levels are believed to have a greater effect on lower levels than vice versa and changes made at the higher levels have greater and obvious impact.

1. Environment – our temporal surroundings and space that is experienced externally; can be answered with the questions "Where?", "When?", "Who?", "With whom?", "Who else?".
2. Behavior – our actions and reactions; “What” is the key question here
3. Skills – the capabilities we have to execute our behaviors in certain environments. It’s the knowing, thinking and feeling, including awareness behind the abilities manifested; the question here is "How?".
4. Beliefs/Values – this level refers to the beliefs, the convictions, the values, the inner criteria that underlie one’s actions (consciously and unconsciously), the actual motives of a person, guiding ideas that is believed to be true and guides the use of his abilities; “Why” is the key question.
5. Identity – this is the level where he constructs his self-image, the ideas he constructs about himself and his behavior. “Who” is the obvious question here.
6. Vision – sometimes seen as the spiritual level, it’s about place and contribution at the professional, family, social or religious affiliation level; It is about the "big questions" in life: "Why do we live?", "Why are we here?", "What is the meaning of life?

Using Comments to Identify Levels

A powerful yet simple way to connect these levels in our coaching is to identify a key comment made by our client and identify its relation to the six levels. For example, the following comment – “I can’t do that here” - highlights five of the key levels in one sentence. Where the person emphasizes a word will often bring out, which logical level needs to be addressed and to take action.

• “I can’t do that here” – Emphasis on the identity level: Who could do the job? What could I do?
•  “I can’t do that here” – Emphasis on the beliefs and values level: What keeps me away from doing the task? Who told me that I am not made for to do that?
•  “I can’t do that here” – Emphasis on the capability level: Do I need additional skills, techniques or methods to proceed?
•  “I can’t do that here” – Emphasis on the behavior level: What kind of actions can I do? Does the task have a positive intention? Is it in accordance with my personal development?
•  “I can’t do that here” – Emphasis on the environment level: Where, when, with whom could I take action? What is my ideal working environment? What time of the day will be best?

Levels in Coaching

From what has been presented, when a client presents a problem, I can see how I could use this model to help my client see where they are at, identify what is causing them problems and see where they can change to create progress. My client could say: “I can’t get clients into my coaching program.” In order to assist my client to clarify her situation and identify what could be done, I could use these levels to decide how I would guide her with my questions.

Environment – How is your present location affecting the number of clients you are attracting? What is present where you are that could help you get more clients? Sometimes a change in the environment or a change of environment can bring a desired change.

Behavior – What are you doing to get clients? What could you do to get more clients? Sometimes what we are doing (or not doing) contribute to the problem. Changing this can result in desired change.

Skills/Capabilities – How could you improve on what you have done? What one ability if improved on would help you get more clients? Every goal we have demands certain capabilities to achieve it. Improving or learning a new skill could be what the client needs.

Beliefs - What is important to you here? Why do you do what you are doing? What do you believe about ‘getting clients’? We form beliefs about what is possible or impossible, necessary or unnecessary and so on. A certain belief may be hindering my client from attracting new clients. Once tweaked, her solution may be just around the corner.

Identity – Who are you in this situation? What do you think about yourself when you take steps to get clients? A change in the “I am” of my client will automatically create new beliefs which will create more capabilities which will create more behaviors. .  . which will help her get more clients.

Vision/Purpose – How does getting clients encourage you towards your vision in life? A clear purpose/mission for having clients sometimes can give the necessary encouragement and guidance to how this situation could be resolved.

Indeed this is a great tool to generate awareness and to clue me in as to where my attention could be directed towards as I guide my client in unravelling her present condition and identifying what steps could be taken to promote progress and change.